Saturday, June 30, 2007


A young guy from Saskatchewan moves to Vancouver and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Saskatchewan ."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says "one".

The boss says "Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.65."

The boss says, "$101,237.65! What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot -- you should go fishing!'"


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."


A new priest, born and raised in Texas, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, .........

"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shit... what happened next?"


Friday, June 29, 2007

Is Bigger Better?

Does size matter?

Erm, yes, unfortunately for small peckered men, size indeed matters ;)


Word of the Day for Friday, June 29, 2007

bifurcate \BY-fur-kayt; by-FUR-kayt\, transitive verb:

1. To divide into two branches or parts.

2. To branch or separate into two parts.

3. Divided into two branches or parts; forked.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

S-L-O-W Down!

50 KMS BIKINI Bandits!

T-Shirts From Hell!

Some make you wonder, some make you laugh aloud, others allow for a good head shake.

T-SHIRTS for everyone!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Life seems to be going well now that I'm bleeding, phew!

Seamus left for Golden. I do wish him a most excellent adventure!

The new phones out today do so much of everything and you can even call someone! How cool is that, really? You can take pictures of anything, play games, access the Internet, make a video... he he he. Enough said :-P

New business is going well. I share a lot. People appreciate the open candor, mostly ;)

Bought a dress, a beige doily. Man, I am a sexy beast. Topping that ensemble with perhaps some nude undergarments and whoa, I'm off to the geriatric ward right after the ceremony - HIP HIP HOORAY!

Seriously, it's a big beige doily. *Argh!*

Need shoes...

New summer session for fitness classes are now in effect. I will teach only Wednesdays from 9-10:30am. Seamus will be covering for me Saturdays teaching a stretching, meditation, breathing, type deal. The women love his classes, uh huh, his sexy self ;)

I love high heels. I feel an elongated beauty strolling along with that wiggle in my walk.

I haven't craved chocolate in a while. It WAS the sex n chocolate wedding shower that did it for me.

Mmm, donuts...

Made a coffee date with the one and only Pabsters.

It was a light day, mid afternoon... twas hot n sweaty. I was working at the local gym, he was doing the obvious, working out. He was kind, a safe man - mentioning his wife and children. Amused, I mentioned my four holy terrors. We hit it off.

Continuing our friendship through scripture. I sought out questions, seeking the Truth. He taught me, explaining the Word.

I brought forth innocent minds for moulding. He showed me about family, his.

Making light of life, revealing my true colours in all their rainbow hues. Retaliating, he offered sarcasm; an insight to accepting oneself.

A coffee date it most certainly is, looking forward to our chat Friday!

Song quoting, too bad there isn't a huge demand for such a talent. I'm amazing at almost any song, a line from any song, just one line - I hum nicely however.

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Report card arrived today for the little one. She lives!

Doing dishes so dries out my hands, they should invent a machine that does the washing of dishes, for you. *snickering*

Today was hump day, it was a dry day for me. Dare I say it?

Scheduled for tomorrow: two pedicures, a polish fix up, a Brazilian wax and of course, my favorite - mucho smiling!

Awards ceremony is Thursday eve. Eldest son, recently graduated should be on the receiving end of a few pieces of paper.

No car, was written off. Kids are fine. Even after dealing with their momma ;)

I walk more now, oddly enough. *laughing*

Nature is my Prozac. St.John's Wart is my "other" Prozac. Neener.

Daughter wrote to me about her new "friend", explaining to me he's half black, I couldn't help wonder what his other half was or why she felt it necessary to explain his obvious natural tan. Silly nugget.

I'm rambling...

Off to nigh nigh land.

Au revoir and bonne nuit!

WW :)

Monday, June 25, 2007

Show Em' the Toe!

Dare I say...

Doctor in the House!

It's Monday...
Take two breasts, get plenty of bed rest and call me with all the juicy details in the morning!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Rate Your Blog!

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
sex (7x)
hurt (1x)
Whoa, good thing I don't mention hurting sex?!

Hurting Sex...

Obviously sex should never hurt.

Keys to sex not hurting:

  1. RELAX DAMMIT (even your first time) things go, good as gold. Now, this can also work for those of you who've beaten down that mulberry bush once too often, fake tightness by squeezing those vaginal muscles, don't let that bugger in, push, squeeze.. I know you can do it!
  2. Lubricate all areas. Not only is this tonsOfun but it help with all the slip slide action waiting to happen ;)
  3. Go s-l-o-w to begin, once you wear of that first layer of skin, sensation becomes less and you can indeed "giver" faster, harder. Pound those puppies!
  4. Make noise. Enjoy what's going on! Audio stimulation is fun, releasing, and again gets those juices flowing!
  5. Never have sex with a horse. I've heard such sickness, but heck, why would you wanna? Personal preference, yes. Suggestion: Instead of having sex with random farm animals, find a man who's hung like a horse? If that's not at all possible, bust out the good ol' toys! I'm amazing at this, aren't I?!
  6. Have sex with someone you love. And NO! You can't love more than one person THAT way. Ooops, my opinion again..

Go hard or go home!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

On my knees... (part deux)

Good Morning Beautiful
Good morning beautiful
How was your night
Mine was wonderful
With you by my side
And when I open my eyes
And see your sweet face
It's a good morning beautiful day
I didn't see the light
I didn't know day from night
I had no reason to care
But since you came alongI can face the dawn
Cause I know you'll be there
Good morning beautiful
How was your night
Mine was wonderful
With you by my side
And when I open my eyes
And see your sweet face
It's a good morning beautiful day
I'll never worry
If it's raining outside
Cause in here with you girl
The sun always shines
Good morning beautiful
How was your night
Mine was wonderful
With you by my side
And when I open my eyes
And see your sweet face
It's a good morning beautiful day, yeah
A good morning
Good morning beautiful
A beautiful day
Good morning beautiful
Good morning beautiful
A beautiful day
Good morning beautiful day
A beautiful day
Good morning beautiful

Lyrics seem a bit lame now that they're right here in front of me. Oh well, the song sounds most beautiful, have a beautiful day...

On my knees...

The Request:

Good Morning Beautiful, a country song, I've heard recently, love it. Where do I find it? Anyone willing to post a link, linkaging (my word) me to such a wonderful song?


Yes - here ya go toots!

No - go find it yourself lame ass.

I prefer Answer Yes, in case anyone was wondering.



Wednesday, June 20, 2007

It's all in the Click!

Feeling hot and bloated?

Interesting read...

Everyday bloat is downright uncomfortable! It's commonly caused by water retention or gas -- a build-up of air in the intestines and stomach that can give you the feeling of a distended abdomen.

Avoid carbonated beverages -- drink plenty of flat water instead.

Avoid salty foods, since excessive salt retains water.

Limit sugar alcohols. Sorbitol and maltitol, frequently found in sugar-free foods and sugarless gum, can exacerbate gas and discomfort in people who are super sensitive.

Limit gas-producing foods, specifically broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, beans and cabbage. When you do eat them, try taking Beano, an over-the-counter supplement which can help your body digest them.

Don't overdo the amount of fiber in your diet. Fiber is incredibly important, but too much can exacerbate bloat in people who are sensitive. Thus, be sure to increase the amount in your diet gradually and drink plenty of water to help wash it down.

Avoid large meals heavy in carbohydrates and fat. Instead, eat low-volume meals throughout the day (and eat every four to five hours).

Be sure to incorporate some type of protein with each meal and snack. Protein acts as a natural diuretic and helps your body get rid of extra water.

In my case, perhaps less chocolate would do the trick?!


Monday, June 18, 2007

Bridal Shower - Sex and Chocolate

Yes, appropriate name for a bridal shower, pour moi, I'd say so!

It was a blast, fun, and most entertaining. Not to mention, man did I score on the chocolates!

A chocolate bath for freshly cut fruit, chocolate cheese cake, chocolate penises (with or without nuts), chocolate sauces, and of course enough chocolates to go around, over and over again.

My score: chocolate bars, a chocolate body massage, chocolate bath powder, an intimate chocolate fondue set, Bernard chocolates, Hershey Kisses, ...

Now, the sex portion of the evening went to, many, many pairs of panties! Sheer pink, black silk, white lace, satin jammies, boxer tank set, blindfold n cuffs, gift cards for "places" to purchase "stuff". WOW!

I did certainly receive practical gifts, casseroles, baking dishes, cook books, a devotional book for women, dish clothes, towels, slow cooker, solar lantern set, peter meter ...ha ha ha!

Much fun was had by all - THANK YOU LADIES!

PS. Pictures, some, will be posted at a later date ;)

Erotic dancing ...

The new craze - Pole Dancing!

Okay, so this looks "interesting" to say the least. However, I'm concerned. What happens once all this "knowledge" is under your belt (pun intended); who has an unused pole just laying around their home?

Oops, wait - You can actually purchase a pole. Enough said.

Certified instructor? Who's certified to teach this, and how does one become certified? Hold on - Certified fitness instructor with over 12 years experience. Experience in what?

Anyhoo, cost of such a frivolous endeavor runs between $25 per session in the USA and approximately $60 buckeroos in Canada or you can always opt for more bang for your loonie here $175 Pole, $100 Cardio Striptease or both for $225.00 Choices, so many.

Sing it, "Let's get retarded in here..."

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Word of the Day for Sunday, June 17, 2007


The act of belching; a belch.
  • Eruct - mmmm. Burp all over me baby ;)

Friday, June 15, 2007

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

More Graduation Pictures!

Oh my, good thing they're cute like cute things!

Fabulous Four!

Big D with his Sisters

Big D with his younger Bro...

Here it is folks, my wonderful, talented, clever, and most cute family!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Marriage Advice According to Roci...

"I once heard an advisor say, “If you aren’t willing to give a woman ½ of every thing you own and walk away, then you aren’t ready to get married.” He was wrong. The real challenge is to give everything you own, and stay with her for the rest of your life.
1. Love is a verb, not a noun. How you feel about someone changes over time and is mostly chemical in the beginning anyway. How you treat someone is a choice. Treat your spouse poorly and no amount of “I love you honey” will hold your relationship together. Basic good treatment is no mystery. Common courtesy works every time it is tried. Soft voices. Courteous language. Asking permission. Please and thank you.
2. Never put yourself in a position of compromising your marriage. Once you are married, you should pay special attention to not be alone with member of the opposite sex. When you are traveling for work, don't hang out at the bar, or go out with the guys for drinks. Even if you can control yourself, rumors may damage your reputation. Your reputation is what defends you against the false accusations. After work, go home to your spouse. Don't maintain secret bank accounts or keepsakes of past loves. Your spouse deserves and by right is entitled to all of your wordly affections. You don't have the right to give what is hers to someone else.
3. Stubbornness is more valuable to your marriage than flowers and candy. A healthy dose of bull headedness about your marriage will keep you in it long after weaker people, relying only on how they feel about their spouse, would have bailed out. Once you reconcile yourself to the idea that there is no escape, you also recognize the futility of holding grudges, the necessity of working out your disagreements, and the enduring critical need to make life pleasant for your spouse, as she will work likewise to make it pleasant for you.
4. Western ideas of romance have very little to do with successful enduring and happy marriage. Romance is for young people playing at being married. Real marriage is for serious, true believers, with the emotional maturity to make a commitment that does not depend on how they feel about you on any given day. Feelings do change.
5. Her bad behavior is never an excuse for yours. Getting even for petty grievances only makes them bigger. No one is perfect. Make allowances for the imperfections in your spouse, as she does for yours. Forgive the little things before they fester. Do it without making a big production of it.
6. Blending two individuals is not about compromise. When both people get half of what they want, neither is satisfied. There will be times when each of you should get what he/she wants even if the spouse wants something else.
7. Sex is important. It can be a barometer for your relationship. It can be a bonding environment. It is a sharing of intimacy. It is a method for creating your children, your personal contribution to perpetuating the human race and all that is good about it. Don’t neglect it. Don’t treat it as a duty or a sacrifice that you begrudgingly give up because you feel you have to. It is no longer just play-time like when you were single. Now it is quality time. Treat your marital bed and your sexual relationship with your spouse with seriousness and respect. Don’t defile it with affairs, porn, fantasies, or unnatural acts.
8. While it is no guarantee, spouses are best able to love each other when they love Jesus first, and show His love in their lives by the way they treat each other. Too many Christian marriages depend on the Biblical stick to force Christians to stay together instead of the carrot of making your relationship pleasant for your spouse.
9. The years go by fast. In your youth, you seldom look ahead at what you each might me like in old age. Think about it once in a while but don’t wallow in it. Enjoy your youth and spend it with each other. Don’t begrudge it when it is gone. Look forward to spending your later years together as you will your youth. When you are old and grey, there should never be any talk of the sacrifice one gave for the other, since you gave it willingly and to each other.
10. Most marriage counselors will tell you the importance of open communications. They learned that in counselor school and it is all they know. In the real word, there is a time and a place for keeping your mouth shut. Your spouse is not there for you to vent on every day or to take the blame for all the world’s problems.
Heterosexual marriage is one of the great blessings that God has created for humankind. It is nothing less than the foundation of modern civilization. It is not to be entered into lightly, profanely, or with reservation.
When you are ready for it and have found the right person who is similarly disposed to you, go into it with great joy and celebration. The real benefit to marriage is the decades of happiness you gain after the reception."

A thank you to Roci, words well typed!

Help Needed!


The Build the Fort Community Barbeque will take place on
Saturday, July 7 at the "Fort".

The doors/gates will open at 5:00 p.m. with the Chamber's Trading Post Days
Auction - and then dinner - prepared by Andy Frank and Pro Barbeque - and Glen Charles is back to entertain everyone!
Surprise surprise I have tickets - please RSVP your ticket request and I'll hold them for you.
Tickets are Pay What You Pull and range from $5.00 - $18.00.
You're getting a great meal and entertainment for an unbelievable price - and you'll be supporting the Build the Fort project at the same time.
Work has begun on Phase Two of the Build the Fort project - we're renovating the existing buildings on the site to include a community gathering space, kitchen, washrooms, storage and meeting space and a performance space.
WE need YOUR help!
( Besides, it will be a lot of fun!!)
I look forward to hearing from you!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Random - Mundane - Thoughts

Red seedless grapes are indeed my favorite grape.

A Christian science fiction novel, interesting enough. Interested in a preview, here ya go .......

It's been a most excellent week, only two kidlettes at home, school's almost complete, new business beginning to blossom, my toes are construction worker's vest, orange - how could I not smile :)

June is my panic month, the wedding date is soon, I prolly should be dressed in something appropriate huh? Speaking of "appropriate" I saw this chick with the cutest red summer dress - too much? Maybe a colour less subtle than passion ( tacky ) red ... Damn choices.

I admire the way Mr. Harper doesn't "need" or worry about what others think when refusing a photo opt with Mr. BonoANZA. Play strong, work strong, BE strong. It's what you do when you're elected leader, dangit!

Piercing - was a speaker at the elementary school this past week, the topic of course being "To pierce or not to pierce your own parts." Like duh. Anyhoo, the worst case scenario with piercing your own body parts - death.
I think I did my part with images so piercing in young moulding minds. Scared them shit less. One more for mankind, I'm good like that ;)

Favorite saying...

Saw the newest Pirate movie and actually enjoyed it, a lot. Pirates fascinate me, like mold forming on foods, really :-S

Structurally Unsound - Opinionista puts that little something behind her thoughts making them real to the reader. You can almost touch, smell and feel, really feel her words. A pleasure to read, always.

Been feel'in mucho better-o since my surgery a few months ago. I know this "feeling better" thing typically comes with me "eating more". Having an appetite isn't always a good thing. Coming from a woman who once weighed 330lbs, I know. Oh Lord, do I know. Gimme strength - please!
"Drink water, drink more water, and if all else fails, have a bottle of water" will be my new mantra.

Going to get a bottle of water...

Another writer whom evokes emotion from the deepness where it lies, Heidi is that of an amazing author. Can't say I always agree with her opinions, often enough however it's a chore to disagree. Thought provoking and often hilarious - check her out! No perverts please :)

How many working, running, used computers (X-Box live doesn't count) does an average home have these days? I wonder...

We have three currently(kids, eldest son, ours), had four(kids, eldest son, eldest daughter, ours), will have two in the fall(kids and ours).

I could make love to Sundays, if in fact one could make love to a day of the week. Sundays are THE DAY, no expectations - just to be. Lovin it!

PS. The fact that Seamus has made pancakes does serve my goddess status well. SEE, Sundays rule!

Have a good one, two, three...


Ghost Sex...

A professor at the University of North Carolina was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start.Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has any one here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "oh hell, from way back there I thought you said Goats."


Tuesday, June 5, 2007


The heiress surrenders early, leaving herself alone with her thoughts (pink is cute, etc.).

Monday, June 4, 2007

Pick a button, any button...

Liked that my alias "earth" name, with whoop not to mention the ucking was all rolled into one huge ball of celestastic fun!
Youchies, can you say "papercut"...

Super freak, super freak, she's super freaky now!

Ooooh baby ;-P

And so the fun continues...