I am on a rambling rampage.
It's this, here, now, today. Or... A run. I am avoiding the run due to my choice in not sabotaging my running schedule and program. I WANT to run. I feel an energy from deep within. Like a buzzing that needs to be let free. However I am mindfully choosing to not over-do my training and attempting to build a stronger mind-body-soul dealio!
Call bullshit all you like.
It's true - I prefer mildly dysfunctional to broken any day of the week! Ha!
Soooooo, today, my anniversary of 7 years has appeared.
I want to say it's been a blast. Easy peesy! Why doesn't everyone partake in this light stroll along the beach of love and commitment?!
No one EVER tells you how demanding and down right complicated loving another equal human being is-can be.
And for the record the 7 year itch DOES exist. 100% true. Fact.
A wise woman once told me (after I called her out and asked why a friend does NOT warn you of this shit), her sound simple experienced advice, "Don't scratch!"
Epiphany time. I get it. I don't want to screw this up. Don't stray. Stay strong. Be committed. Listen and love. Gotcha.
Communication isn't a strong suit of mine. The uncomfortable I avoid. I am so busy creating fantastical disillusions why would I work on reality? Like, really.
Alas here I am. Being friends with a man for 11 years, and joined matrimonially for 7 of those lightening speed bolted years!
Kids are grown doing well for themselves. Grandchildren, all beautiful little precious girlies whom I love more than air...
This man is the person I wake up with and go to bed next to. My husband is the only person to see me cry. Whom I allow the odd sighting of my vulnerability.
Merely a man. He has flaws. Not many. But some. And those things I must work on, in myself. Grow up. Stop being an insecure twit. Suck it up princess. Figure this shit out! Because, contrary to my riding unicorns over fantastical rainbows etc. I am equally, if not more flawed than anyone I've met. Probably more. *sigh*
Forgiveness? Could this be the key to remaining a happy person/couple? Maybe.
Addressing and assessing and moving on, all thoughts worthy of many attempts. Fail away kids. Rise stronger. Fight for a life whereas you are on top (of your mighty kingdom) WITH your chosen other. You are a team. A couple - two. An unbreakable force.
Time - With time, learning happens. Use your patience. (Thanks to Erik I never know if I have spelled patience correctly. You've created a neurotic speller - thanks)
Space - Couples need it. Alone time is invaluable. Together time priceless in building that love to the next level.
Fuel - Happy. Healthy. Making choices that empower each other.
Selfish and insensitive doesn't make anything grow or flourish - I promise to overcome or at least work on these, every moment I am aware of said demons which lurk waiting to pounce.
As you may have felt from reading this... My post isn't a lovey dove proclamation of undying love/typical anniversary moment.
Rather a gut wrenching truth to how a wife can love completely her husband and yet be writhing in discomfort and emotional pain.
Not always. Hardly ever. But sometimes.. it just feels "hard".
Don't be alarmed. I obviously enjoy a worthy challenge. Goals and opportunities. Growth and learning. I have never met a man I WANT to be with MORE than this man - I adore and LOVE you Seamus! (And yeah, I to will be happy when PMS is a thing of the past. *small chuckle here*)
Monday, July 7, 2014
Saturday, June 30, 2012
OMFG I missed food!
I have allowed myself whatever whenever all week. And managed to lose another pound, weird!
Now I need a NEW goal.
My arms truly bother me, so I was pondering weights, COMMANDO training for my arms. The skin will never /go back/ but I could beef it up a bit and make my arms look strong! Hmmm..
And I am thinking about perhaps, oh why do I even say stuff like this, about training for a marathon. Sheesh. There really is no rest for the wicked!
Until I fly by again..
ALWAYS use a condom,
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
This past weekend, my youngest doll face, hubby and I made a ROAD TRIP to Calgary, AB to support our gym & The Fight Team! It was pretty low key, with a minor in tow. Making the experience all the more wonderful.
Baby Sparkle is completely pumped and totally wants to try out for the Fight Team, as does my better half. HOLY COW BATMAN!
Ugh, one goal that is TOTALLY NOT MINE OR FOR ME! I will be eating a cookie, cheering loudly, from the sidelines. And THAT thought feels heavenly!
We will have our very own fight club, TEAM SPARKLE, come the fall; they have decided to make the rigorous training schedule their goal! AWESOME!
I swell with pride, then giggle at the word -swell-...
Until I feel the need be blabber, again,
WONDER WOMAN xo
Thursday, June 7, 2012
In sixteen sleeps, I will have completed, yet another, mind bending, world shattering, GOAL!
Okay, not so much news worthy for anyone but me, my mind and my body :)
Over the past 11 weeks I have been totally pissed off at this "stupid goal". I have cried. I have pushed myself harder than thought imaginable. I allowed no mercy to take place.
And then..I added, onto the 30 lbs 'to lose' goal and 30 km run.. 100 BURPEES daily, for 100 days..
Some days, a lot of days, I wanted to just curl up and suck my thumb, rock back n forth and hum alone, to myself, quietly as I sobbed.
But. I didn't. Cos I am, Wonder Woman!
Uh, perhaps I did, but I am certain there wasn't any video or anything incriminating! Ha!
Consequently and rather shockingly (men, don't like to see their wives sad - uncomfortable - upset, they like to 'fix' it) my husband became my greatest supporter and fan. I really believed he would tell me to 'stop it', 'he loves me for me', blah, blah, blah - which, I knew already; three times a charm, duh.
Convincingly, he gave me the edge I needed. Joined up to do 100 BURPEES for 100 days, WITH me! ****When I roll, literally, out of bed at 4:30am, he smiles and tells me how amazing I am.
When travel to the city for Muay Thai class at night ( I made it to the advanced class - yaya!) each night he comments on my progress and awesomeness - btw, he uses that word! Ending our journey, together, for another day, before I slip into my 5 hour coma, he strokes my hair, expressing how much he loves me, how proud he is of me..
I guess, really. How could I go wrong with such AWESOME support?
Now don't go all woman lib on me. I would do this with or without a man. I am just uber grateful for having Seamus, IE: Thor, holding my hand - helping me up - when needed.
My kids are trying to figure it all out. Apparently they were young enough when I was HUGE and losing they don't recall that beginning episodes to awesomeness as vividly as myself. They are aware, absolutely, of my choices effecting the outcome of my successes. Physical activity is apart of each of their individual lives. They get THAT part. However... Can you even begin to comprehend how hard it is to turn down a Moolatte from Dairy Queen, from your eldest visiting son, who thought he was making his momma's day, gifting her with ice cream, HER ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE food?
It's all about learning. It's about my mind becoming stronger.
Purpose and direction.
Courage and vulnerability.
Desire and strength.
Now, with all that rambling, I STILL HAVE WORK TO DO!
I will accept any friendly thoughts, prayers and I thank you for them ALL!
WONDER WOMAN XO
UPDATE: Today, just mere moments ago, that same cute-head-man-cub of a son, took me for lunch, a salad :)
See, THEY CAN LEARN!
Thank you Boy Wonder, Momma loves you T-H-I-S much!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
CHANGE IS INEVITABLE!
My goal, to lose 30lbs by June 23rd, and to run a 30km Mogathon Run June 23rd.
I am on WEEK 4. And feeling.. amazing! Other than the no ice cream thing ;-)
Soon my child, soon.
What goals, if any, do you currently hold?
Wonder Woman xo
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Unedited, uncut, rumblings from my tumblings!
Under 12, sink or swim. Do or avoid. Play. Worry about dying. Play some more. Sing loud and proud. Worry more. Homework. Spelling tests. Best friend. Grandma's shopping days! Puppies! Babysitting. Birthday parties, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Valentine's Day, yippee! You want. You earn money to get. You're happy. Chores. Lessons. Family. Grandma and grandpa's cottage. Camping. FEARLESS! Why do we have to die?FUN! Laughing! Almost peeing your pants! Oops, peeing your pants from laughter! Crazy, insanity! Wanting to be a mommy when I grow up!
In your teens you're invincible and know a lot, about almost everything, people (adults) just don't, "get it". Worry, stress, selfish. School, skipping, tests. More tests. So many tests! Friends. Choices. COPIOUS CHOICES. Wrong choices. Awesome choices. Part time job(s). Money. SHOPPING! Parties. Boys. Scads of boys!!! No need for sleep. Make up. Hair. Nicely dressed. Not confident. Scared. Faking it. Wanting to feel wanted. Needing to be needed. Motherly. Goals. Desires. Questioning. Awaiting... Crying. Tears. It hurts so much, I am going to die! Happy times. Looking. Scouting out. Afraid to show..be vulnerable. Fun with friends. Alone in crowds. Am going to be a mommy! For every negative there are MANY positives.
In your twenties you realize your parents did care. How did they not kill you, after all you were that obnoxious child?! But you will do BETTER! Different lessons, your children will be amazing being cos you know what to do. Overly confident. Changing patterns. Survival. Strong. Full of self. Learning. Growing up (finally). 'Getting it'. Maternal. Wifely. Enjoyment. Frustrating. Doable. Controversy. Doing what you 'think' is best. Not knowing the difference between thinking and knowing. Goals. Loving mother. Caring. Tired. No sleep, need sleep. Giving. Always there for everyone. No time for self, doing, going, being, carrying on.. Change is inevitable! Love is a choice. Material objects prove success. Overly emotional. Can you die from this? I want someone who treats me special.I want/I need/. Not too serious, create fun..Find fun. Naps. Sweating, ew, not cool. Conserving energy. Kids NEVER STOP! Loving being a mommy! Positively content. Tries, repeats, tries again. Compassionate.
Thirties roll around, wow your parents aren't as selfish and mean as thought. It's not how you raise children, it's about children being..children :) Mid Thirties, you begin to question 'material objects', look for greater love, depth in every day things. Overly filled with this 'meaning of life' often find Buddhism has the 'answers'..After all it's all about self evolution, self love, being kind, doing kind..Can't sleep, would love to sleep. Trust is earned, respect given, HUGE DIFFERENCE. Friends, we don't need a phone book full of names; a few good ones is all you need. Less is more. The need to find what you are, who you want to be. Realizing you fuck up. Learning, always learning..Developing self. Selfish. Making time to cultivate what you need. Emotionally charged! Not wanting to 'waste' a day of nothing. So much to do. So many places to go, see, experience. FORGETTING TO BREATHE! No one has died from it before! I am a goddess. I am wonderful. Deal with it.Demanding, perhaps slightly. Courageous. I know I am who I have been searching for all along. Sharing. Absolute silliness. Fun! Occasional napping is a luxury. Sweating..LOVE THIS FEELING! Need to create energy; don't stop! Being a mommy is THE BEST thing and or person I have ever imagined being! Positive thoughts, awesome choices..Does. Does again.Do or do not. There is no try. Caring & loving.
Forties. You are a complete dumb ass. Kind is as kind does. There is no deep hidden message; it's always been as it was as a child, "BE NICE TO EACH OTHER". Your body begins to react differently and you hold on tooth and nail, because you're not even half 'done' yet! People's 'positive postings' annoy you, after all it's all common sense. And dumb ass drivers almost cause you a coronary..don't they know they can break too? Drugs HELP YOU SLEEP. Finally. Sleep..some days. UGH! Sweaty mess. Changing sopping wet night shirts... You love more than you ever thought your heart was capable. Change. Always changing. Goals. Constant carrot dangling in-front of your daily proceedings. Simplicity. Less is more, but now MINIMAL is apparently where it's all at. more time with family. knowing you have everything you need, wanting to share with others, again, more. Smiling makes your heart sing. Better days. Less tears. Acceptance. Stability. Calmness. GO HARD OR GO HOME. Complete non feeling guilty stress free days, EMBRACED! Do what you can, when you can. Breathe deeply. Knowing it probably won't kill me. But it also may.I enjoy making people laugh and smile. I like that. I like me. I'd do me ;) Partnership. Laughing often. Silly. Goofy. FUN! If I nap I won't sleep at night, mentality. Oy! Fitness sweating ROCKS! Why do I have to sweat when sleeping too, geez! Energizing self in waaay too early mornings just so that you CAN keep going all day. Being a mom is thankfully, forever. Being a Nana becomes even more than what a human mind is capable of believing, until experienced. No regrets. Positive thoughts. Being real, sucking it up, and lots of icing!!! Do or do not. There is still no fucking try! Caring, loving and allowing...
with a cupcake in hand,
learning, loving and living!!!!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I also see this and am reminded of a quote from a lady who owns a pair of those AMAZING SHOES...
~ Fitness, if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body. ~ *Cher*
What I want to express is this, YES YOU ARE YOU, AMAZING, WONDERFUL YOU!
I also see women who push beyond everything and obtain something very few of us will; mind over body excluding any remote thought of limitations.
I am equally proud of these woman in their hard-worked bodies :)
In a perfect life where EVERYONE is wonderful, even skinny bitches ;) ROFL!
OVER AND OUT,