Monday, July 7, 2014

Lying Bastards

Welcome back!

I am on a rambling rampage.

It's this, here, now, today. Or... A run. I am avoiding the run due to my choice in not sabotaging my running schedule and program. I WANT to run. I feel an energy from deep within. Like a buzzing that needs to be let free. However I am mindfully choosing to not over-do my training and attempting to build a stronger mind-body-soul dealio!

Call bullshit all you like.
It's true - I prefer mildly dysfunctional to broken any day of the week! Ha!

Soooooo, today, my anniversary of 7 years has appeared.

I want to say it's been a blast.  Easy peesy!  Why doesn't everyone partake in this light stroll along the beach of love and commitment?!

No one EVER tells you how demanding and down right complicated loving another equal human being is-can be.
And for the record the 7 year itch DOES exist.  100% true. Fact.
A wise woman once told me (after I called her out and asked why a friend does NOT warn you of this shit), her sound simple experienced advice, "Don't scratch!"

Epiphany time. I get it. I don't want to screw this up.  Don't stray. Stay strong. Be committed. Listen and love. Gotcha.

Communication isn't a strong suit of mine. The uncomfortable I avoid. I am so busy creating fantastical disillusions why would I work on reality?  Like, really.

Alas here I am. Being friends with a man for 11 years, and joined matrimonially for 7 of those lightening speed bolted years!

Kids are grown doing well for themselves. Grandchildren, all beautiful little precious girlies whom I love more than air...

This man is the person I wake up with and go to bed next to. My husband is the only person to see me cry. Whom I allow the odd sighting of my vulnerability.

Merely a man. He has flaws. Not many. But some. And those things I must work on, in myself. Grow up. Stop being an insecure twit. Suck it up princess. Figure this shit out! Because, contrary to my riding unicorns over fantastical rainbows etc.  I am equally, if not more flawed than anyone I've met. Probably more. *sigh*

Forgiveness? Could this be the key to remaining a happy person/couple? Maybe.

Addressing and assessing and moving on, all thoughts worthy of many attempts. Fail away kids. Rise stronger. Fight for a life whereas you are on top (of your mighty kingdom) WITH your chosen other. You are a team. A couple - two. An unbreakable force.

Time - With time, learning happens. Use your patience. (Thanks to Erik I never know if I have spelled patience correctly.  You've created a neurotic speller - thanks)
Space - Couples need it. Alone time is invaluable. Together time priceless in building that love to the next level.
Fuel - Happy. Healthy. Making choices that empower each other.

Selfish and insensitive doesn't make anything grow or flourish - I promise to overcome or at least work on these, every moment I am aware of said demons which lurk waiting to pounce.

As you may have felt from reading this... My post isn't a lovey dove proclamation of undying love/typical anniversary moment.
Rather a gut wrenching truth to how a wife can love completely her husband and yet be writhing in discomfort and emotional pain.
Not always. Hardly ever. But sometimes.. it just feels "hard".

Don't be alarmed. I obviously enjoy a worthy challenge. Goals and opportunities.  Growth and learning. I have never met a man I WANT to be with MORE than this man - I adore and LOVE you Seamus! (And yeah, I to will be happy when PMS is a thing of the past. *small chuckle here*)

Happy Anniversary!