Thursday, January 31, 2008


Have fun, and remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do ;-)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Time For a Break...

Mind Altering Laughter!

Golf Balls

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls,

and sat down next to a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde.

The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".

Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally,

not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,

asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Seven Degrees of Blonde!



A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

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*:-.,_,.-:* ` *: -,_ ,.-:* ` *:-.,_,-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*


Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

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*:-.,_,.-:* ` *:- , _,-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*


A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,-:* `
*:-.,_,.-:* ` *: -., _,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*


A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

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*:-.,_,.-:* ` *: -., _,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,-:*


What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,-:* `
*:-.,_,.-:* ` *: -., _,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-,_,.-:*


Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

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*:-.,_,.-:* ` *: -., _,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*


Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

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*:-.,_,.-:* ` *: -., _,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:* ` *:-.,_,.-:*


Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"

I still don't know if she was joking...

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Our Weather

Check out how the OTHER side lives... in their igloos!

(Click the 'Our Weather' title, ya goof.)

Sunday, January 27, 2008


A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball.'

Man: 'That's nice'

Boy: 'Want to buy it?'

Man: 'No, thanks.'

Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'

Man: 'OK, how much?'

Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'

Man: 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

Boy: '$750'

Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.'


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Ol der Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!


Why Women Need Therapy

Phone Call...

Ukrainian Mother: "Hello?"

Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"

Ukrainian Mother: "You're going out?"

Daughter: "Yes."

Ukrainian Mother: "With whom"

Daughter: "With a friend."

Ukrainian Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man."

Daughter: "MOM, I didn't leave him. He left me!"

Ukrainian Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies."

Daughter: "MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?"

Ukrainian Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father."

Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did and I don't."

Ukrainian Mother: "What are you hinting at?"

Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.."

Ukrainian Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?"

Daughter: "MA its My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered.From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!"

Ukrainian Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?"

Daughter: "MOM, He's not a loser."

Ukrainian Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite."

Daughter: "MA, I don't want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?"

Ukrainian Mother: "Poor children with such a mother."

Daughter: "Such a what?"

Ukrainian Mother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you."

Daughter: "ENOUGH MA!!!"

Ukrainian Mother: "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!"

Daughter: "Great MA, Now you're worried about the loser?"

Ukrainian Mother: "Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him

Daughter: "Goodbye, mother."

Ukrainian Mother: "Wait! Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?"

Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"

Ukrainian Mother: "If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?


Last but not least click the "FUNNY!" title to be.. astounded! And perhaps a bit jealous. I bet cha she never spends a night cold and alone. If yanno what I mean ;) ;)

Go ...

Click the "Go..." link.

This is a great site and quite challenging. For you Mensa individuals it does go to level 50, if you make it that far ;)

Go to and make yourself useful, y'all!

WW :)

Friday, January 25, 2008

How Sexy Are You?

I nearly fell out of my chair! These blog thingies are so fantastically accurate! *laughing*

You Are Very Sexy

Damn! You are one hot number. You have a lot of sex appeal.

You know you're sexy, and you're not afraid to put it all out there.

And while you're very appealing, you're careful not to be trashy or over the top.

Sexy is all about attitude. And you totally have the attitude that people love.

How You Are Sexy

You are flirtatious and fun with most people. You know how to keep things light, friendly, and sexy.

Your modern look is sexy. You don't give people too much of the same old thing. You like to change it up.

You are open to all sorts of experiences, and you have a taste for the exotic. Your adventurous spirit is very sexy.

You keep your body fit and healthy, and that's hot. Plus, sweating is also sexy!

Commercial break!

Mindless Dribble

Caption: Too much information!

Caption: Bend over and take it like a man!

Caption: It IS Heaven!

Caption: Define "proper" again.. he he he.

Caption: I was so afraid this would happen some day to me!

Caption: Says it all, doesn't it?

Feel free to Captionize one or all...

Now, back to your regular scheduled programming!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

...Of The Day!

Joke Of The Day:
*Don't spoil it, if you've heard it!*

Q: What did the one worm say to the other worm as he passed him on the road one day?
A: "Where on earth have you been?!"

*I love that joke!!!!*

Tip Of The Day:
Do not for any reason known to mankind drain your bath water completely before you've finished masturbating. The water trapped beneath your body forms a suction cup effect and you will have fun explaining why you're still on the bottom of the tub, without any water present. This also applies to being wet from some pool fun and the changing room floors. Suction, it'll get ya every time!

Question Of The Day:
*As he points to the spot between my eyebrows...*

"What's with the red marks?" he askes befuddled.

"Ah yeah, that. It's my stork's bite, had it since child birth." retorting back with a smirk.

"No it's not!" as he chuckles.

"Oh, okay then, I expertly waxed my eyebrows today" explaining with laughter.

*He nods with understanding!!!*

Conclusion Of The Day
You can do a great set of nails in about 2 hours, only you notice the complete creative work!
You can do a decent set of nails in an hour and a half, only you notice the flaws.
You can "wing it" in an hour of nail creation, no ones the wiser.

La, la, la...
WW :)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008




Because My Hormones Tell Me To...


I guess.

Possibly, omit the "We're Full!" part.





Aaaahhhh, What a Feeling

Just because we've all pissed out pants at least once during our lifetime! And just maybe no one noticed? Perhaps :)


Saturday, January 19, 2008

A Good Friend..

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket.

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Passion Starts To Heat Up!

Poor men...

I Just Want You To Hold Me...

I haven't quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never really figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't fee like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT?"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Star Trek

Click on the title for a chuckle!


I wear SEVERAL bras, shelf tops and other cloth devices to keep "the girls" under control when at the gym, especially when running.

I am tired of looking for a bra that covers and holds em tight; thus preventing the black eyes appearance from the occurrence of my daily exercise bliss routine.

I have been fitted professionally. By their calculations I am at an enormous size, and MUST shop at that specific little boutique to provide myself with the "ultimate fitted bra". Yeah, well, I bought a $180.00 bra, in a 36GG (told you they size higher than the average bear). Guess what? It rubs, it's uncomfortable, and it's not very sexy... at all :(

NOTE TO SELF:You don't always get what you pay for.
Seriously, I just want less ouchies under my arms, between my breasts and under my breasts. The constant aggravation of sores from ill fitting bras is becoming an emotional challenge. I don't enjoy pain. Life isn't THAT complicated is it?

From beyond the grave... u-g-l-y. Enough said.

The Under wire T-Shirt Bra, how perfect if... YOU DON'T HAVE BREASTS. The cup size goes up to a mere C cup. Riiiight, that will fit... WHEN I'M DEAD!

Periwinkle MADNESS; Sports Bra - Something this "detailed" must be in my size, right? Nooooooo, why cover the heavy busted woman, when the eency weency chicks... disgusting.

Even if you go with a "for larger sizes" bra, you can't get the appropriate fit. It simply is larger around the rib cage measurement, cup sizes remain pretty close to the same. AND if you need a smaller size around, with a larger cup size.. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK!

Awww, who misses dear sweet grannie? OH MY HEAVENS, *shuddering at such hideousness*

Nothing too risky, just something less horrifying to the opposite sex. Alas, wouldn't cha know it, sizes SUCK again. I'm sensing a theme...

Nothing says sexy like, taupe, cafe, beige, off white - Oy vey, yuck.

Not a typical "workout" bra, but on any given day, definitely a pretty day bra...NOT IN MY SIZE, dangit!

The Blue "Firm" Support - Offered in my size - Great! (I'm being sarcastic)

And why is it so darn difficult to offer more than 3 sizes; women come in all sizes, sheesh.

A, B, C, D, DD, DDD, 32, 34, 36, 38, 40, 42, 44...

Interestingly once you go up in cup size so does the measurement size. A 36DDD is almost unheard of. But I can get a 38DDD, let the cups dig in, rub a little and cause me open sores from the friction. OR I could get the 36DD literally spill out every which way, holding myself in with another VERY tight garment or two, allowing less slippage and spillage. Which, I want to add usually doesn't work, and hurts a great deal.

Guess I'll keep strapping those puppies down with the multiple layers idea. Until, someone gets a grip and creates a NOT SO FREAKING GROSS bra that works for keeping my breasts in line AND providing me with MY size aka: fitting me correctly.

Odder things have happened.


Friday, January 11, 2008

What Be Your Nerd Type?

What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Literature Nerd

Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works.

It's okay. I understand.

Artistic Nerd
Drama Nerd
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quizzes for MySpace

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Beyond Gorgeous...


She really was gorgeous, wasn't she?

Perhaps it's the innocent twinkle in her eyes.

The casual effect of such a warming smile.

The beauty - the grace - the sex appeal...

Two absolutely ravishing women.

One similar destiny.


Sunday, January 6, 2008

Random Christmas Pictures!

Look at those amazingly smiley faces! Four more beautiful human beings, I highly doubt it!

A proud Momma I most certainly am!!!!

Feeling A Lil Naughty...

*Meoooooooooow; Puuurrrrrrr, Puuurrrrrrr*

Rub my tummy ;-P

Friday, January 4, 2008

Music Appreciation!

How sweet the glorious sounds are...

Proud To Be A Chick!

Title: How Easily I Could Become A Lesbian!

Woman, aren't we amazingly complex creatures? And so beautiful too!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Growing Stronger!

Growing Stronger is an exercise program involving strengthening exercises—exercises that have been shown to increase the strength of your muscles, maintain the integrity of your bones, and improve your balance, coordination, and mobility. In addition, strength training can help reduce the signs and symptoms of many chronic diseases, including arthritis.
If you're not physically active now, Growing Stronger will help you make daily activity a regular part of your life by building the essential strength that makes all movement easier and more enjoyable.

Growing Stronger!

Mondays and Wednesdays!

January 7th - March 31st
9 am - 10 am * Strength, Stability and Power

Light weights, stability and stretching!

Mondays: Stability Ball Program
Wednesdays: The Box of Love Program
12 - 1 pm * Super Hero Strength

Strength training with a heavy dose of cardio.
PS. Don't forget the abs!

Mondays: Step (or my version of step ;) Program
Wednesdays: Cardio-a-lific Program with an explosive amount of abs!
5:00 pm - 6:15 pm * Boot Camp POWER!

The name says it all!

Mondays: The Box of Love POWER Program!
Wednesdays: Interval POWER Step Program!

10 Session: Punch Card $75.00

1 Class per week (13 Classes Total): $85.00

2 Classes per week (25 Classes Total): $140.00

Any/All Classes: $200.00

With Enthusiasm and Strength,
Dee :)


Sunshine with Seamus - Registration: Saturday January 12th @ 9am

KUNG FU for Kids - Registration: Saturday January 12th @ 10:30am

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Mundane Random Thoughts!

Let the crotchety spewing begin...

* New Year's Eve - is not a time to catch up on errands!

Stupid people should not be let out during peek traffic times. Potential accidents are just itching to happen. It's our duty to make certain we care for this weaker species. I vote yes to a curfew!

When you're in "a mood" retarded people unite where it is you need to be. Says a lot for our perception of the situation verses the mood, eh? *shrugs* Whateva.

* McDonald's - doesn't make it happen for me any more; not only is the service s-l-o-w but it's almost nonexistent.

Young people really don't hold a brief insignificant conversation, like they used to any more.
A polite prepubescent boy took my order efficiently, however his "Yeah, it's busy, I thought everyone would be pissed drunk by now.." comment was typical, unfortunately of 'regular normal' youth.

Don't even get me started on the 'half hour' fast food concept. In a half hour I would have been home, half way - to real food. ARGH!

What's with McDonald's not staying open past 6pm. No workers, need workers, WTHeck? Pay better. I vote all McDonald's employees should start at a base rate of $20 per hour. You have to pay for what you need. THEY NEED STAFF!

* Responsibility - Don't drink and drive!

My son stays put after drinking too much. He didn't arrive home last night. His carpool must have spent the night in the city. Good for him.

I just hope next time he leaves me his car keys so that I can get out of the driveway to go to the gym in the wee hours of the morning. Phoning Marvy at 5:30am to express great frustration on not being able to pick her up (not to mention probably waking her family) and then asking for a ride, isn't something I wanna make a habit of ;)

* Running - sucked today, big time.

Sometimes, most times I have that drive to get my ass going and sweat like a Mohegans Warrior, today I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop. I avoided, at first - (it's what I do best) 20 minutes just walking on the treadmill, then 60 minutes on the elliptical, AND THEN I tried to run. Only 30 minutes today. Mentally, physically it's all she wrote! I did a quicker run to make up for my short comings. Whether or not it did actually counter act my lame-assed-ness, remains one of life's hidden treasures :)

A warm bath & hot cup o'tea as reward, noted!

* Eating - "I could eat the ass out of a bear" Most disgusting saying of all times.

I have been atrocious with my eating habits. Or quite possibly I have become just a bit more aware of these habits. But, as I have said before I LOVE FOOD. I love the way it tastes, the way it smells, the way I feel when I am eating it - and my moderation key is lost some place. Note to self: Look for moderation key, ASAP!

* Eeny, meeny, miney, mo - doing absolutely childish things uplift my spirits.

I'm a child in a woman's body. I like doing little goofy near to retarded things. Things encompassing the time I glued everything on the desk of my assistant manager (I disliked her grouchy old ass, a lot), to rearranging shoes at the gym. It gives me great pleasure to cause others befuddlement, sometimes *smirk*...

* Tasks for the new year - a whole year of goals, resolutions, planning...

Naw, I have today. And today I will go through my closet. Marvy will love some of my more savvy wear!

* HAPPY NEW YEAR - Please, don't piss me off :)