FUNNY!

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball.'

Man: 'That's nice'

Boy: 'Want to buy it?'

Man: 'No, thanks.'

Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'

Man: 'OK, how much?'

Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'

Man: 'Yes, it is.'

Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

Boy: '$750'

Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.'
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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Ol der Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!
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Why Women Need Therapy

Phone Call...

Ukrainian Mother: "Hello?"

Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"

Ukrainian Mother: "You're going out?"

Daughter: "Yes."

Ukrainian Mother: "With whom"

Daughter: "With a friend."

Ukrainian Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man."

Daughter: "MOM, I didn't leave him. He left me!"

Ukrainian Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies."

Daughter: "MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?"

Ukrainian Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father."

Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did and I don't."

Ukrainian Mother: "What are you hinting at?"

Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.."

Ukrainian Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?"

Daughter: "MA its My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered.From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!"

Ukrainian Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?"

Daughter: "MOM, He's not a loser."

Ukrainian Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite."

Daughter: "MA, I don't want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?"

Ukrainian Mother: "Poor children with such a mother."

Daughter: "Such a what?"

Ukrainian Mother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you."

Daughter: "ENOUGH MA!!!"

Ukrainian Mother: "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!"

Daughter: "Great MA, Now you're worried about the loser?"

Ukrainian Mother: "Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him
immediately."

Daughter: "Goodbye, mother."

Ukrainian Mother: "Wait! Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?"

Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"

Ukrainian Mother: "If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
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Last but not least click the "FUNNY!" title to be.. astounded! And perhaps a bit jealous. I bet cha she never spends a night cold and alone. If yanno what I mean ;) ;)