Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Over the Years

  • We met the summer of 2003, and became instant "flakey" friends.

  • The Year - 2004

  • Understanding each other, appreciating time together, while remaining good friends followed.

  • The year - 2005
  • Loving each other, as we needed to be loved - our goal.

The year - 2006

  • Genuine caring, a deep appreciation for each other as complete whole individuals, loving one another, being great friends.

  • Never needing, rather wanting and choosing to be together - Look out 2007!

The Date - The Time - The Place

  • Katepwa Point Provincial Park:
  • BBQ to follow!

Simply Odd

  • This is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what was, but they continued singing it, forever, just because... This is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, but they continued singing it, forever, just because...

  • I relish the annoying.

  • A woman is like a tea bag... YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER! - I like that one.

  • Worry looks around, sorry looks back, faith looks up. - Another goody.


  • Sensible strength training may be one of the best ways to get relief from your arthritis. Not only will it help to lubricate and nourish the joint, strength training will also strengthen the muscles around the joint, providing it with greater support.

  • Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips .


  • The Things I've learned NOT to do, whilst being off work (2006)

1) Do NOT tweeze, cut or in any way shape your brows with too much time on your hands.

2) Do NOT attempt to give your hairstyle a "fresh" new approach to life. Do NOT give yourself, by yourself, bangs under any circumstances known to womankind. Hairdressers are trained, you're not. STAY AWAY FROM YOUR HAIR!

3) Do NOT eat Dairy Queen Buster Bars for breakfast and then make excuses to yourself for your choice. Ice cream is NOT an okay calcium substitute for the day.

4) Renovations are to be done in moderation. Just because a wall looks a bit "off" to you at this moment in time does NOT allow you to tear apart, rip down and demolish erect and rather useful areas of your home.

5) No, you can NOT rewire the darn furnace fan box, sheesh!


  • Senior Dress Code

Many of you "Old Folks" (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how you should present yourself.

You are unsure about the kind of image you are projecting and whether or not you are correct as you try to conform to current fashions.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikini's and liver sports
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. In line skates and a walker

13. Thongs and Depends


  • If "mancation" is a new word so must be "chication" or "wocation" or "babecation", right?

Monday, February 19, 2007

  • #10: Life is sexually transmitted.
  • #9: Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
  • #8: Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
  • #7: Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
  • #6: Some people are like a slinky - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
  • #5: Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
  • #4: All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • #3: Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
  • #2: In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Thursday, February 15, 2007


By David Auburn

"The Valley Players are on the move again. Dee Bender (producer, left) and Cori Gaites (director, right) will bring "Proof" to our annual dinner theatre in April."

  • Genre: Drama
  • Plot Outline: The daughter of a brilliant but mentally disturbed mathematician, recently deceased, tries to come to grips with her possible inheritance: his insanity. Complicating matters are one of her father's ex-students who wants to search through his papers and her estranged sister who shows up to help settle his affairs.
  • Tagline: The biggest risk in life is not taking one.

Performances: April 20th & 21st, 27th & 28th, 2007.

The Smile ...

Emotions can be momentarily hidden with a smile. Fake it, until you indeed make it. A motto successfully used, knowing, it almost always works out.

I feel...

  1. It's warm outside, I feel gross.
  2. I feel disgusting, sad, angry and impatient.
  3. I'm tired.
  4. I choose to sit, but am restless.
  5. No energy, drive or ambition.
  6. Wanting to curl up and read a book - none "feel" like the right choice.
  7. Must appreciate this day, it's the only one I have right now.
  8. Feelings of guilt for being such a suckie baby.
  9. Over-thinking everything!
  10. Goals - feed people, do dishes, wash clothing, bathe...breathe through my mouth ( that way I can refer to my pathetic state of a human species as a "mouth-breather").
  11. Am smiling now.
  12. Humour, smiling until I can feel that smile from within.
  13. Thirteen thoughts like donuts, a baker's dozen, except - less sweet, full of holes, and not great for the hips ;)

The End...

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Sunday, February 11, 2007

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

  • Dear Diary,
  • For my 50th birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 30 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
  • Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
  • MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
  • Woo Hoo!!!!!Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.Very inspiring , Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
  • TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
  • WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
  • THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room.. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
  • FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it! Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
  • SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
  • SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun like a root canal or a vasectomy

Made ya smile!

Friday, February 9, 2007

Rest in peace - you certainly didn't get much when you were alive...

Anna Nicole Smith

  • I know why bother with THIS news. Well, for one, her attention seeking antics intrigued me. I have from way back thought of her as beautiful. Then rich and beautiful. Lastly, rich, beautiful and sad.

  • As I scanned the internet last night, I noticed the plethora of articles about her life, death, existence. And one stood out, one so accurate, here it is...


  • In a sermon from way back, I recall vividly the words preached to us, "We matter, we all matter"...

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Baby Got Bible

  • Remember the song, "Baby Got Back"? Well, my daughter enlightened me on a newer version of this oldie but goodie...

  • Have fun!