## Thursday, November 30, 2006

RUSSIAN ROULETTE AFRICAN STYLE

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia. At the end of the trip, the Russian leader tells the African that in Russia they have a custom performed at farewells called "Russian Roulette" to demonstrate one's courage...

The Russian whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder a spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger...
CLICK...empty chamber.

He hands the revolver to his African guest, and says, "Your turn."
Not to be outdone, the African repeats the ritual...
CLICK...empty.

The next year, the Russian visits the African country. At the end of the trip, the African tells his Russian peer that he was very impressed with "Russian Roulette" and that he has spent the last year devising an African ritual to demonstrate one's courage.The African then disappears through a door only to reappear a few minutes later smiling, and says, "Your turn."

The African escorts the Russian through the door. In the room are six of the most beautiful, naked women he has ever seen. The African explains that he is to choose one of the women, who will perform oral sex on him.

Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asks, "What kind of test of courage is this?!"

"The African calmly answers..."One of them is a cannibal."

## Wednesday, November 29, 2006

### Plastic Surgery

I didn't know you could make payments on a pair of hooters, way cool! Nor was I aware of such deals being offered...

Where and how far would you go to get that "steal of a deal", hmmm?

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Now the only query is, where do I go?

## Monday, November 27, 2006

Word of the Day

inclement \in-KLEM-uhnt\, adjective:1. Rough, harsh; extreme, severe -- generally restricted to the elements or weather.2. Severe, unrelenting; cruel.

To make his misery complete he was forced to travel back in the winter, in the most inclement weather.

## Sunday, November 26, 2006

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

He never heard the shot............

## Friday, November 24, 2006

### Which Greek Goddess are you?

Hit the nail on the head; This quiz is darn accurate!

http://www.paleothea.com/quiz.html

From one goddess to another,
SALUT!

### Laughter!

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
- Mark Twain

Stress Management - Part Deux

1 - Picture yourself near a pristine mountain stream.
2 - The weather is sunny & warm, with a light breeze.
3 - Birds are softly chirping in the mountain air.
4 - No one but you knows your secret place.
5 - You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."
6 - The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air.
7 - The water is crystal clear.
8 - You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

### Stress less - Rather than more

Limit or even omit the "have to" phrase from your thoughts. If you want to, great! If you "have to", think about it - do you really have to?

2 - Take care of yourself.

Eat healthy, excerise regularily.

You are in charge of the number of commitments you make. You don't have to attend every event just because you received an invitation, just as you don't need to answer your cell phone just because it is ringing. By making too many commitments, as it happens failing to keep them, and then experiencing guilt and stress over your procrastination and failure isn't the way to stressing less rather than more.

4 - Embrace your family and friends.

Spend the time of your life with people you love.

Word of the Day for Friday

avoirdupois \av-uhr-duh-POIZ; AV-uhr-duh-poiz\, noun:1. Avoirdupois weight, a system of weights based on a pound containing 16 ounces or 7,000 grains (453.59 grams).2. Weight; heaviness; as, a person of much avoirdupois.

## Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Food
*********
I love food.
I love eating, I love tasting, I love all varieties - textures - temperatures of food.
Food gives me that warm in the belly feeling. No not THAT - that's much lower down, and food isn't usually accompanying any tingle like responses.
Food is social, it's individual, it's helps sustain life...ahhhh, EXACTLY!
Food is for fuel, to help run this machine, my body.
Darnit!
Thought of the day: Do I eat to live, or perhaps I'm choosing to live to eat?

## Monday, November 20, 2006

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

### Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

Ooops, what I meant was, CARDIO, CARDIO, CARDIO!
Fitness encompasses three major components, cardio training, strength training, and of course stretching which includes balance and flexibility aspects.

Sooooo, let's talk about cardio baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about - CARDIO!

Why cardio?
Some benefits of cardio exercise include:
Weight loss
Stronger heart and lungs
Increased bone density
Reduced stress
Increased libido - yesssssssss
Reduced risk of heart disease and some types of cancer
Temporary relief from depression and anxiety
More confidence about how you feel and how you look - like a sexy thingy
Better sleep
More energy - everywhere
Setting a good example for your kids to stay active as they get older

Why cardio?
"You feel energized, confident, proud of yourself and ready to take on the world."

What kind of cardio?

A variety of cardio exercises:
Walking
Dance
Running
Elliptical machine
Rowing
Skiing
Kickboxing
Biking
Swimming
Aerobics
Step classes
Martial arts
Spin classes
Etc...

When cardio?

Cardio can be done whenever, wherever - cardio is the basic need to move our bodies. Our bodies are made to move it, move it!

Being active does enhance our quality of life, making our lives better.
"Moving around increases blood flow to our muscles, strengthens the heart and lungs and teaches the heart to work more efficiently. Not only that, when you exercise you set a good example for your kids to do the same, which could mean a better future for them."

Feeling good is looking good.
"Appearance is important. That's why I take a shower every day, make sure my clothes match and check that I don't have anything green stuck in my teeth. But I worry that we've gotten so obsessed with how we look that we no longer care about how we feel. If you look at the benefits listed above, all of them translate into feeling good now and in the future."

How much cardio?

Suggested 20 minutes of high intensity cardio 3 times a week OR 3-5 days of cardio for about 30-60 minutes.
I recommend cardio every day.

Yes, every day. You eat every day, you sleep every day, you communicate with others, love, etc.. every day. Therefore exercise every day isn't really a huge sacrifice to a healthy life. However, this doesn't translate into running a marathon each weekend, followed by three hours of intense physical activity, daily. Take a walk in the evening, join a gym for lunch hour fun, go for a bike ride while the sun is rising in the early am; add that much needed physical aspect into your daily routine - only benefits will follow.

IE: This week my physical bliss schedule looks like this:
Monday - Run 50-60 minutes. Weights. Teach a stretch n strength class, and two interval step classes.

Tuesday - Run 60 minutes. Bike or elliptical 20 minutes.

Wednesday - Run 50-60 minutes. Weights. Teach stretch n strength class, a stability ball class and a bliss class.

Thursday - Run 60 minutes. Elliptical 30 minutes.

Friday - Walk 60 minutes.

Saturday - Run 60 minutes fast. Weights.

Sunday - Bike ride or walk 60+ minutes.

Good luck.
And...
remember to HAVE FUN!

## Sunday, November 19, 2006

### ARGH!

My computer is acting up, AGAIN.

Miss me...

## Monday, November 13, 2006

### V-Jae-Jae Tenderness

Yup, back to a regular weekday involving unconditional BLISS. Oh my sweet baby Jesus, what a glorious day!

My alarm slept in. I didn't make it for my 5am run - too bad really, I had to substitute in other recreational fun in lieu of - we wouldn't want me to miss out on any endorphin rushing, correct? ;)

He saw it that way too, he's such a SUPER-TROOPER! Yay!

Coffee in hand, blog in front, steaming bath ready - what's not to relish, this is a wonderful life.

My weekend, yes MINE, all mine, and I was kind enough to share it with a very sexy man - this weekend was beyond any planned expectations. We did *wink* *wink* Moose Jaw!

Lolly-gagging about, Christmas shopping, eating yummy food, spa pool visit, calm relaxed nummy coffee pit-stops, tour of the historical tunnels and my favorite, a picturesque biking adventure (I went down my first mountain - aka: hill). It was indeed an all around great weekend. My V-jae-jae is a tad sore, due to the biking (I'm almost certain THAT was it...). My mind is clear, ready to tackle, conquer and enjoy what life has to offer me this week! Woohoo, bring it on!

BTW:My kids didn't even destroy the house whilst we were away, oh yeah!

Monday Madness: "Abdominal workouts will strengthen your lower, upper and oblique abdominal muscles". Why is this so important? Possibly because with a strong core your balance and stability improve. A reduction of accidents compliment this lifestyle strength. And if you were to have an oopsy, your recovery time almost certainly would be less. Being fit means a better quality of life, physically :)

I'm always in need of "new" material, perhaps something a bit more challenging. I have found this website invaluable. Check out this... http://www.netfit.co.uk/abdominals-web-site.htm

Happy Crunchin and Whatnot, eh!

## Tuesday, November 7, 2006

### Gotta Love Her - Maxine!

Funny stuff, huh?

## Monday, November 6, 2006

It's Monday! What a Blast, Grab a Ball!

As I munch on hemp hearts, sitting, reading before me various tips, ideas, suggestions and experiences it has occurred to me that I to must do my duty. I realize now that I need, yes NEED to offer you some critical advice as so many OTHER wise people have before me *grandiose smirk*.
Perhaps more substantial than a mere "tip" (pun intended), rather a life altering several dimensional adventure! Oh dear sweet Jesus, yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

With all of this excitement, my brain is beginning to swell, the anticipation is building, the plethora of information ready to spew...

Monday's Exercise Tip: Develop Your Core!

The picture above demonstrates the very exercise I suggest you try, Zee Super-Chick.

Superchick on Zee Big Round Sexy Ball
- Lay on ball at waist level, tighten back to raise chest parallel to legs with arms straight out in front. The goal is to look like a superchick flying. Be sure to keep the head in line with the spine, do not look up.

Ask me why, why this exercise? Well, simply put, you need it to strengthen your lower back, developing your core into all that it can be, ie: not in pain, not giving out on you, not aching, etc...
The spinae erecta is typically weak, due to the lack of focused exercises on these smaller muscles. The abdominal muscles are the main stabilizers which maintain a healthy erect (yeah, yeah, yeah...) core stance. However, did you realize when you work a muscle group it is imperative to work the opposing muscle group to maintain and develop balanced core? An example of this is working your abdominal area - crunch away. Alas, make sure you include a few dozen superchicks into your workout too! Your abs and lower back work together, so, make them stronger and healthier, together :)

Zee bouncy beautiful diverse ball can change your routine tremendously. Try to incorporate the stability ball in your next abdominal workout, using your muscles differently, changing it up a bit. And remember to flip it over, up, up, up and awaaaaaaaaaaaay, SUPERCHICK it!

## Sunday, November 5, 2006

You Know You're Too Stressed When...

You can achieve a "runners high" by sitting up.

The sun is too loud.

You are missing several days from this week.

Trees begin to chase you.

You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

You wonder if brewing is "really" a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

You can hear mimes.

Things become "very clear." Everything is "very clear, indeed."

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

You and reality file for divorce.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

You can travel without moving.

Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the next day.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before...

...I remember when,

AND

I can see what's to come...

"AGING IS A MATTER OF MIND. IF YOU DON'T MIND IT DOESN'T MATTER".

Mark Twain

### Words of Sexdom

It's Sunday, relax and enjoy a good giggle!

Words of Sexdom

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the 9 reasons for incarnation. The other 8 are unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place"
Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!"
Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
Steve Martin

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married"
George Burns

SALUT!

## Friday, November 3, 2006

### Thoughfully Provoking

This is a deep and meaningful story about an elephant.

While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply embedded.

As carefully and as gently as he can he removes the thorn and the elephant gingerly puts its foot down. The elephant turns to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stares at him. For a good ten minutes the man stands frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant turns and walks away.

For years after, the man often remembers and ponders the events of that day.

Years later the man is walking through the zoo with his son. As they approach the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants turnsand walks over to where they are standing at the rail. It stares at him and the man can't help wondering if this is the same elephant.

The man climbs tentatively over the railing and makes his way into the enclosure. He walks right up to the elephant and stares back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant wraps its trunk around one of the man's legs and swings him wildly back and forth along the railing, instantly killing him.

Probably not the same elephant then.

You so know you smiled at this one!

Tsking, tsk, tsk, tsk...

### The Bestest Me

I came across this just this morning, and though it is personal, and it maybe of some value for someone going through something similar.

It perhaps will demonstrate how you can be the bestest you, and still love others as they are.

Dated December 2005,

Your email caught me off guard and with that said I phoned mom yesterday to let her know everything was going fine in my little world.

It's difficult to say why I have these "moments" in my life. I imagine being the single mom that I am, working full time, and a couple part time jobs - life becomes overwhleming to me. I then withdraw from everything, everyone else and simply plug away at attempting to be the bestest mom I can, work hard when I'm on the job, all while trying to be a positive happy person.

When I found out that you began drinking again it disappointed me that Alcoholism is so much a reality for you. A disease that shows no mercy, even to those who try so hard - like you've done in the past. As for you, my Dad, I will always and forever love you. I'm not disappointed in you, but your disease, Alcoholism, leaves me feeling defeated, worried, sad, etc... And if I'm being totally honest (as I am) I find it difficult to put myself out there to be hurt by your disease. Again Dad, I have never loved a man as I have loved my father - you. You're an amazingly strong man, with a gentle and vulnerable heart - Yeah maybe a bit annoying sometimes, but heck that's so I have an excuse for my annoying, compulsive actions, genetics!

My goal in life is to be the bestest mom while being the bestest me. With that goal each and every day, I set mini goals.

EXAMPLE: Today I was up by 5am, went for a run, came home by 6:30am, had a family breakfast with my children - told each one how much I loved them, hugged each of them and even puckered up for a kiss from three of them (Big D was in the shower - it would have been weird to kiss him good bye ;) Then I was off to work, arriving here on time, without being stressed.

Interestingly as it might be, those were my morning goals. Sometimes they don't go so well, an arguement erupts, my car doesn't start - whatever. But today everything went well and I am sure will continue to go smoothly.

CON'T EXAMPLE: I work until 5-6pm, then I must pick up Christmas decorations. I teach a class in Indian Head and I will be home by 9pm. I'm at home long enough to ask everyone how their day was, sit and listen to whomever wants to share with me a bit more of their day, then it's bedtime. I will be off to the gym for a late night run on the treadmill. And safely in bed by 11/11:30pm.

My life isn't glorious and filled with glamour, but it's mine. We're a happy family. We work through challenges daily together. That is why I am typing to you, as a family - you, mom, me and Sis - we'll work through everything that's to be worked out, when in fact it's meant to be worked out. I don't know how strong I am right now, feeling beaten down is a feeling I can associate with lately, hence my job change. I'm currently employed at The Regina Performing Arts Centre as building manager. I run the whole show, with NO DIRECTION AND TRAINING. Might I again add, is foolish on their part as I'm spending more of my day figuring out what I'm supposed to do than actually doing it. Oh well, guess we all need a challenge...*laughs to self* my life seems to be dawg gone plum full!

Whoa, am I wordy or what - must get that from mom's side eh?

CONCLUSION: I love you, I'm doing fine, and WE (Big D keeps asking about when we get to see you next.) miss you a lot!

Hugs n kisses

Now when I re-read this today, I cried again. I remember the pain, courage, strength and honesty it took from me (and I am just like everyone else) to tell it as I saw it - reminding myself where I came from, and more importantly who I was typing to. Aka: Honesty with a side of tact ;)

We're all flawed, to quote a respected person in my life, " We were born sinful, separated from God. "

What to allow in our lives and at what time is crutial for our developement. For being all that we can to everyone we choose, is this not a life worth living?

HECK YEAH!

PS. Man, oh man..I was an exercise monster!
PPS. Moderation, is what I choose to work on now :)

## Wednesday, November 1, 2006

### I'm Away, But Not Far!

Hello!

I have been away, as my computer is virus filled. Which is very similar to broken :(

Either it's the online game affair, or perhaps it's the perfectly perverted porn. Who am I to guess the lesser of these evils, right?

Mundane NEWS:
Working trois jobs (I am loving teaching fitness again, especially my 9am class. Woman with attitudes, I LOVE IT!), six days a week designed and filled to the brim, feeling good, back to working out each day with a freaky deeky Dutch smile upon my luscious lips, loving life, enjoying ma family, surrounding myself with fabulous woman, friends, clients, getting jiggy with it often (very kinky - fun - morning lovin ;), reading (computer withdrawwwl..), and just pretty much being the bestest me each day. I have a strong passion for Sundays, my rest day. Nothing "has to" get done this day..thank you Lord!

In any case, *ARNOLD VOICE* "I will be back"...

PS. Does it really matter if "she" swallows, as long as she lets you complete ejaculation orally?

Salut!