Time For a Break...

Mind Altering Laughter!
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Golf Balls

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls,

and sat down next to a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde.

The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".

Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally,

not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,

asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"


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Seven Degrees of Blonde!

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FIRST DEGREE


A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.


The husband said, "Who was that?"


The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."



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SECOND DEGREE


Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."


The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"


So the first blonde hands her the compact.


The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


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THIRD DEGREE


A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.


She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.


The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"


The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"



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FOURTH DEGREE


A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."


A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"


The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."


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FIFTH DEGREE


What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?


"Is it mine?"


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SIXTH DEGREE


Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.


Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."



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SEVENTH DEGREE


Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.


The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.


Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?


They send me a BLIND policeman."


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Cold!

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"

I still don't know if she was joking...