Under 12 to 41 and 9 Months!

Unedited, uncut, rumblings from my tumblings!

Under 12, sink or swim. Do or avoid. Play. Worry about dying. Play some more. Sing loud and proud. Worry more. Homework. Spelling tests. Best friend. Grandma's shopping days! Puppies! Babysitting. Birthday parties, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Valentine's Day, yippee! You want. You earn money to get. You're happy. Chores. Lessons. Family. Grandma and grandpa's cottage. Camping. FEARLESS! Why do we have to die?FUN! Laughing! Almost peeing your pants! Oops, peeing your pants from laughter! Crazy, insanity! Wanting to be a mommy when I grow up!

Blessed.

*

In your teens you're invincible and know a lot, about almost everything, people (adults) just don't, "get it". Worry, stress, selfish. School, skipping, tests. More tests. So many tests! Friends. Choices. COPIOUS CHOICES. Wrong choices. Awesome choices. Part time job(s). Money. SHOPPING! Parties. Boys. Scads of boys!!! No need for sleep. Make up. Hair. Nicely dressed. Not confident. Scared. Faking it. Wanting to feel wanted. Needing to be needed. Motherly. Goals. Desires. Questioning. Awaiting... Crying. Tears. It hurts so much, I am going to die! Happy times. Looking. Scouting out. Afraid to show..be vulnerable. Fun with friends. Alone in crowds. Am going to be a mommy! For every negative there are MANY positives.

Blessed.

*

In your twenties you realize your parents did care. How did they not kill you, after all you were that obnoxious child?! But you will do BETTER! Different lessons, your children will be amazing being cos you know what to do. Overly confident. Changing patterns. Survival. Strong. Full of self. Learning. Growing up (finally). 'Getting it'. Maternal. Wifely. Enjoyment. Frustrating. Doable. Controversy. Doing what you 'think' is best. Not knowing the difference between thinking and knowing. Goals. Loving mother. Caring. Tired. No sleep, need sleep. Giving. Always there for everyone. No time for self, doing, going, being, carrying on.. Change is inevitable! Love is a choice. Material objects prove success. Overly emotional. Can you die from this? I want someone who treats me special.I want/I need/. Not too serious, create fun..Find fun. Naps. Sweating, ew, not cool. Conserving energy. Kids NEVER STOP! Loving being a mommy! Positively content. Tries, repeats, tries again. Compassionate.

Blessed.

*

Thirties roll around, wow your parents aren't as selfish and mean as thought. It's not how you raise children, it's about children being..children :) Mid Thirties, you begin to question 'material objects', look for greater love, depth in every day things. Overly filled with this 'meaning of life' often find Buddhism has the 'answers'..After all it's all about self evolution, self love, being kind, doing kind..Can't sleep, would love to sleep. Trust is earned, respect given, HUGE DIFFERENCE. Friends, we don't need a phone book full of names; a few good ones is all you need. Less is more. The need to find what you are, who you want to be. Realizing you fuck up. Learning, always learning..Developing self. Selfish. Making time to cultivate what you need. Emotionally charged! Not wanting to 'waste' a day of nothing. So much to do. So many places to go, see, experience. FORGETTING TO BREATHE! No one has died from it before! I am a goddess. I am wonderful. Deal with it.Demanding, perhaps slightly. Courageous. I know I am who I have been searching for all along. Sharing. Absolute silliness. Fun! Occasional napping is a luxury. Sweating..LOVE THIS FEELING! Need to create energy; don't stop! Being a mommy is THE BEST thing and or person I have ever imagined being! Positive thoughts, awesome choices..Does. Does again.Do or do not. There is no try. Caring & loving.

Blessed.

*

Forties. You are a complete dumb ass. Kind is as kind does. There is no deep hidden message; it's always been as it was as a child, "BE NICE TO EACH OTHER". Your body begins to react differently and you hold on tooth and nail, because you're not even half 'done' yet! People's 'positive postings' annoy you, after all it's all common sense. And dumb ass drivers almost cause you a coronary..don't they know they can break too? Drugs HELP YOU SLEEP. Finally. Sleep..some days. UGH! Sweaty mess. Changing sopping wet night shirts... You love more than you ever thought your heart was capable. Change. Always changing. Goals. Constant carrot dangling in-front of your daily proceedings. Simplicity. Less is more, but now MINIMAL is apparently where it's all at. more time with family. knowing you have everything you need, wanting to share with others, again, more. Smiling makes your heart sing. Better days. Less tears. Acceptance. Stability. Calmness. GO HARD OR GO HOME. Complete non feeling guilty stress free days, EMBRACED! Do what you can, when you can. Breathe deeply. Knowing it probably won't kill me. But it also may.I enjoy making people laugh and smile. I like that. I like me. I'd do me ;) Partnership. Laughing often. Silly. Goofy. FUN! If I nap I won't sleep at night, mentality. Oy! Fitness sweating ROCKS! Why do I have to sweat when sleeping too, geez! Energizing self in waaay too early mornings just so that you CAN keep going all day. Being a mom is thankfully, forever. Being a Nana becomes even more than what a human mind is capable of believing, until experienced. No regrets. Positive thoughts. Being real, sucking it up, and lots of icing!!! Do or do not. There is still no fucking try! Caring, loving and allowing...

Blessed.

*

Give me the strength to carry on,
with a cupcake in hand,
learning, loving and living!!!!
WW xo