Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Marriage Advice According to Roci...

"I once heard an advisor say, “If you aren’t willing to give a woman ½ of every thing you own and walk away, then you aren’t ready to get married.” He was wrong. The real challenge is to give everything you own, and stay with her for the rest of your life.
1. Love is a verb, not a noun. How you feel about someone changes over time and is mostly chemical in the beginning anyway. How you treat someone is a choice. Treat your spouse poorly and no amount of “I love you honey” will hold your relationship together. Basic good treatment is no mystery. Common courtesy works every time it is tried. Soft voices. Courteous language. Asking permission. Please and thank you.
2. Never put yourself in a position of compromising your marriage. Once you are married, you should pay special attention to not be alone with member of the opposite sex. When you are traveling for work, don't hang out at the bar, or go out with the guys for drinks. Even if you can control yourself, rumors may damage your reputation. Your reputation is what defends you against the false accusations. After work, go home to your spouse. Don't maintain secret bank accounts or keepsakes of past loves. Your spouse deserves and by right is entitled to all of your wordly affections. You don't have the right to give what is hers to someone else.
3. Stubbornness is more valuable to your marriage than flowers and candy. A healthy dose of bull headedness about your marriage will keep you in it long after weaker people, relying only on how they feel about their spouse, would have bailed out. Once you reconcile yourself to the idea that there is no escape, you also recognize the futility of holding grudges, the necessity of working out your disagreements, and the enduring critical need to make life pleasant for your spouse, as she will work likewise to make it pleasant for you.
4. Western ideas of romance have very little to do with successful enduring and happy marriage. Romance is for young people playing at being married. Real marriage is for serious, true believers, with the emotional maturity to make a commitment that does not depend on how they feel about you on any given day. Feelings do change.
5. Her bad behavior is never an excuse for yours. Getting even for petty grievances only makes them bigger. No one is perfect. Make allowances for the imperfections in your spouse, as she does for yours. Forgive the little things before they fester. Do it without making a big production of it.
6. Blending two individuals is not about compromise. When both people get half of what they want, neither is satisfied. There will be times when each of you should get what he/she wants even if the spouse wants something else.
7. Sex is important. It can be a barometer for your relationship. It can be a bonding environment. It is a sharing of intimacy. It is a method for creating your children, your personal contribution to perpetuating the human race and all that is good about it. Don’t neglect it. Don’t treat it as a duty or a sacrifice that you begrudgingly give up because you feel you have to. It is no longer just play-time like when you were single. Now it is quality time. Treat your marital bed and your sexual relationship with your spouse with seriousness and respect. Don’t defile it with affairs, porn, fantasies, or unnatural acts.
8. While it is no guarantee, spouses are best able to love each other when they love Jesus first, and show His love in their lives by the way they treat each other. Too many Christian marriages depend on the Biblical stick to force Christians to stay together instead of the carrot of making your relationship pleasant for your spouse.
9. The years go by fast. In your youth, you seldom look ahead at what you each might me like in old age. Think about it once in a while but don’t wallow in it. Enjoy your youth and spend it with each other. Don’t begrudge it when it is gone. Look forward to spending your later years together as you will your youth. When you are old and grey, there should never be any talk of the sacrifice one gave for the other, since you gave it willingly and to each other.
10. Most marriage counselors will tell you the importance of open communications. They learned that in counselor school and it is all they know. In the real word, there is a time and a place for keeping your mouth shut. Your spouse is not there for you to vent on every day or to take the blame for all the world’s problems.
Heterosexual marriage is one of the great blessings that God has created for humankind. It is nothing less than the foundation of modern civilization. It is not to be entered into lightly, profanely, or with reservation.
When you are ready for it and have found the right person who is similarly disposed to you, go into it with great joy and celebration. The real benefit to marriage is the decades of happiness you gain after the reception."

A thank you to Roci, words well typed!


Roci said...

Wow. You must have really liked it. You made it suitable for framing.

Wonder Woman said...

Wow, guess I did ;)

I don't "agree" with all of it mind you. *smirking*

Taking advice from those who can back up their advice is my belief :)