You'll never hear this...

Things you'll never hear in Saskatchewan...

• Nope, I don't think there's a Reserve around here.
  
• I heard the bonspiel was going to be alcohol free.
  
• Did you hear Nicole Kidman was spotted in Prince Albert?
  
• Duct tape isn't going to fix that.
  
• Come to think of it cancel that beer, I'll have a wine spritzer.
  
• We don't keep firearms in this house.
  
• Is the seafood fresh?
  
• Sorry can't help you, I don't know where you could find a VLT.
  
• I think John Deere Green looks tacky.
  
• No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
  
• I think it's fair that Teresa lost the CDN Idol competition, that little Albertan hobbit was just way more talented.
  
• Honey, did you mail that donation to P.E.T.A.?
  
• So that's a tractor.
  
• Perogies? What is that?
  
• Why would we need beer? I thought we were just going fishing, (hunting, golfing, for a drive, curling, across the street)
  
• Honey, we don't need another dog.
  
• Who's Tommy Douglas?
  
• So a Co-op's a store? Is there one in this town?
  
• Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  
• Could you give me a hand to draw this map. The top and bottom are just straight lines, what bout the sides?
  
• I just couldn't find a thing at Canadian Tire today.
  
• Over here is our line of tofu meat products.
  
• Aw Tim Horton's again, there's a Starbucks down the street.
  
• Why would you need a big truck like that?
  
• So that's a Buffalo, what's a Bison?
  
• Did you remember to change your clock?
  
• I was thinking of adding a spoiler to my lowered Honda.
  
• Are you going to make it to Saskatoon for the gay parade?
  
• I don't think the Roughriders have a chance this year.
  
• I've got two cases of Corona for the Grey Cup.
  
• Could I please be served in French.
  
• I just don't feel like Bingo tonight.
  
• Shame about Moose Jaw getting hit by that hurricane. (mudslide,earthquake, volcano, avalanche etc.)
  
• So, what phone company are you with?
  
• Hey, here's an episode of "Corner Gas" that we haven't seen.
  
• I don't have a favorite farm equipment brand.
  
• It's just over that hill. (or just around the bend in the hi-way)
  
• I'm just going to skip white tail season this year, I can't find any one to tape The View.
  
• I'm rooting for the Eskimos to take it.
  
• Nope, no more for me, I'm snowmobiling home.
  
• Say, Hon, It's getting chilly out, throw a sweater on the poodle would you?
  
• I don't think drinking grain alcohol would be a good idea.
  
• Oh I just couldn't; Hell, she's only sixteen.
  
• I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
  
• Duct tape won't fix that.
  
• Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
  
• I'll have a grapefruit instead of that doughnut.
  
• You can't feed that to the dog.
  
• Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  
• Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
  
• I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
  
• Trim the fat off that steak.
  
• Cappuccino tastes better than expresso.
  
• Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
  
• Wrestling's fake.
  
• The tires on that truck are too big.
  
• What nice body this Merlot has - cheeky, yet subtle.
  
• Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.