Friday, January 2, 2009

I'm Evil - AWESOME!

I came to a conclusion albeit maybe not fully a correct summary, however I intend to purge my astute findings regardless ;-)

*amused giggling noises*

Wow, I'm so going out on a limb here...
I was pretending to be Indiana Deanna (real full name ;) and listening (my husband says being nosey), *hee hee* to people's conversations yesterday while at Starbucks.

I was watching, observing, and adding sound to their lip talk when an epiphany exploded!

If you never, ever, absolutely do NOT want a life or a committed life partner please follow the advice below.

7 Steps to Claim and Keep the Life You've Chosen!

by:Indiana Deanna

  1. Live in the 80's. It's the look that will NEVER die. As hard as we try to stomp it out, seek therapy, chant and hum, IT LIVES!
  2. Feathering of bangs, it's what all hotties do! I have a hard in just typing about it, mmmm.
  3. Large beer drinking men must wear hockey jerseys to cover up their massive round bellies. The look of a pregnant man evokes the maternal instinct within us. We have a great urgency to "do ya hard" right there, EVERY ONE'S clock ticks around men who wear this apparel.
  4. A mullet is a definite. My husband doesn't admit to this, but I think he manually relieved himself in the bathroom after this juice provoking finding. Men, they just can't wait, sheesh ;-)
  5. Knit in public, for hours. (Yes, I noticed sunglasses on the table top and the sun had long gone down...) A long, long, long, wood chip coloured scarf is what EVERY man craves! The colour of the scarf PROVES your highly energized, full of fun and excitement. Men will swoon at your feet, just keep knitting!!!
  6. Be with your honey and then ignore her and type away on your laptop, that's how you win em over! We like being ignored, actually we have this internal animalistic (my word) moaning that often escapes our wet and ready lips when men behave like this towards us, or rather not towards us. I came thrice just observing this couple - try it - it works!
  7. Answer your phone, continually. No seriously. Non stop. Then answer it each time asking the person(s) on the phone what the plan was for later that evening. It gets our groins wet. I can't explain why.. do this for us. You won't be disappointed :)

A Starbucks adventure is exactly what the doctor ordered. I get it, I'm evil. I'll live with that. Perhaps I could add "evil" to one of my many pending middle names currently? Hmm, another idea and it's not yet noon. I outdo myself so often. No wonder I'm sought out in countries such as Mauritania - I'm such a freaking Goddess!

PEACE OUT,

WW :)

Whoops, I meant...

WW ;)

5 comments:

Doorman-Priest said...

Oh dear: now, about the scarves... still no woodchip colour at least.

capper said...

I wonder if Indiana Deanna knows Wisconsin Johnson. Mmmm?

Wonder Woman said...

Capper - LOL Uh, sure? From waaaaay back. College days. *confused look*

DP - not silk kinky scarves silly ;-)

capper said...

Um, couldn't find a link to explain. Shall we just say, W.J. is a local legend, especially among the fairer gender?

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