No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied and yawning. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.
"Okay," he says to the husband, "Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice.
They go home and hire the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.
The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm, kissing her deeply, his tongue running down her body, teasing her hard nipples as she moans and arches her back , groaning loudly as his fingers find her special spot, her husband waving the towel vigorously as the young man slowly enters her, the tempo increasing as her hips rise meeting his every stroke, until almost as one their bodies move and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm , scratching and screeching as they explode together and collapse on the bed!
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
Journey of Man
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 30 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 35, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now older and wiser and looking for a girl with big tits.
Today is especially special. And perhaps my new favorite day...
Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!
Have fun people, oh feel the "fun". I know I will :)
The Most Venomous Snake In The World
NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius"
(Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world.
DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fang less, with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and subspecies.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible death.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear inthe most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED...
TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet, as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.
SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim,but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.
MILKING THE SNAKE:
1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile,with the thumb in the front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start spitting.
4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.
5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.
CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active,is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect, makesa wonderful pet.
Here are the winners of the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
Cashtration: (n.) The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone: (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.
Decafalon: (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic Fit: (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug: (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor: (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
