Monday - Sexy Leather Day!

Wear some, it will make you feel sexy!

Or

You might feel like a terrible animal killer!

You choose!

WW ;-)

Forbidden Fruit

The dangers of masturbation, here I was going to type something witty, perhaps clever with a tip of insight, this blog seems have nailed it on the head for me. Different strokes for different folks :)

Pffft, and so I shall move forward delving into the realm of female masturbation a bit closer. Well, sheesh, again I've been beaten to the task at hand, read away :)

With the assistance of video: The difference? Three basic targets! Female, I guess, maybe, not really me, but...

And a quote that sums it all up:

“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter”

George Carlin

Stay safe out there ;-)

WW ...

UPDATE!

Fingers still hurt like hell. Another one, my right pinky, opened up last night. Sheesh.

Ball class went well.

Casserole sucked, LOL!

Did put on a bra, finally. And a robe and slippers. Damn was I cold!

Dishwasher stopped after I opened it and pulled out the bottom rack. *shrugs* Whatever.

Hair looks horrific, made an appointment for Thursday @ 1:30 - thankfully!

I am typing this from the bathroom where I currently rein over all liquids...

Movie Blizzard night, ugh.

It went like this: I was teaching ball class. Someone, okay, her name is Jillian, mentioned wanting KD for supper. I said something like, "So, after class go home and make some."

She then retorted along the line of, "Well, I can't we have a meeting this evening."

I, befuddled (I know, so uncommon of me) asked, "Huh? We? What?"

She, feeling supreme like, went on to remind me of the Valley Players meeting that was rescheduled from last Tuesday to this past Tuesday at 7pm. UGH, Double ugh. I had already promised the wee one Blizzard Movie night, tonight! What was I to do? I have your attention now don't I? Well this veteran mother of four, attempted the near to impossible.

I...

Came home, disrobed my winter gear, dished out a way too salty supper, ate what I could, put back on the million items used to protect humans from the winter elements, took Monkey Butt to the movie store, while she strolled through the GAZILLION movies available, finally picked three, my husband chose one, and we were then off to get the blizzards by 6:50ish! DQ wasn't open (apparently their winter party Christmas thingy - what are the freaking odds of that??), my husband being not quite as emotional as us two goddess creatures suggested the grocery store (ahhhh, yes, they have ice cream there too!!!!), get $41 in products (DQ owes me, man) arrive home by 7:20, ice cream scooped out (except mine as it's past 7pm and my thing lately is to NOT eat after 7pm - too bad, so sad), movies on, hubby gets ready for the gym... WAIT! Now it's too late, no ice cream, movie on hold...

So, I was pissy, grouchy, and mean. Naw, LOL! I got a bottle of water out, played some scrabble online, watched a SVU episode and waited for my hunny to return so we could watch our movie :)

Then, we watched a pretty good flick, got ready for bed, did bed type things for a while ( I would elaborate but I want to finish my post and if I get started I might have to go relieve myself... *deep breath*) and I was out by midnight. Rising this joy filled 7:30am morning :)

Revelation: I do use smiley faces a lot! Hah!

Today I keep re bandaging myself. Note to self: buy more bandages before class tonight!

I ate my ice cream after lunch today ;)

I've taught one class already with two more classes to go!

And I have to pee, again ...

Until I have more to blather on about, LATER!

WW :)

Ps. It's all in the day of a super hero ;-)

Sick Day

Today is a sick day for me. I had a manicure and pedicure scheduled, however due to my tactile members breaking open with deep cracks it's near to impossible to do much of anything with these wounded feelers.

I look forward to teaching the 5:15 Stability Ball Blast class tonight. This staying inside stuff can be boring, especially when you don't have unlimited use of tentacles.

I have pre made supper, chicken stuffing casserole, mmm.

My hair needs to be coloured, badly. Odd how it just seems to happen, like POOF, it's time. Or perhaps I've just noticed :) Either way, I'm due for Goddess time.

I ate a bologna sandwich today. I don't have a clue when the last time I've eaten such a thing. I keep luncheon meat handy for the kidlettes to eat; a handy, easy to prepare snack. But for me to indulge in such fantasy. Incredible. Even more insane, I liked it!

I'm freezing! Could be the tank top and shorts I'm wearing. It's more fun to bitch about it though rather than change ;-)

My cheeks currently have too much blush on them, *shrugs*, oh well.

I have a dishwasher!!!! And in case you can't sense my happiness, I would like to explain how happy I am. I am so freaking ecstatic that I almost came, twice. Gushers. YAY!!!!!

I have almost drank my body weight in water today.

My daughter and a her friend came home for lunch today. They watched the president on television for the morning. Hmm, do kids in the United States even know who are Prime Minister is?

My home made bandages are falling off...

Tonight is our famous "Movie Blizzard Night". We rent a movie and we each have our favorite blizzard from DQ. DOUBLE WHAMMY!

The dogs are enjoying our less than arctic weather today. Little buggers bark at anything. Those electric dog collars would come in handy ... KIDDING!

And sooner than later I will have to put a bra on...

Damn!

Until I hang low again,

WW ;-)

PS. How long does a dishwasher run for? I don't think mine knows when to turn off...

Imagery: A bandaged, multi toned hair, face painted clown woman with sagging high beamed tits eating a bologna sandwich whilst drowning herself in water, along side two yappy mutts ...

Quite the picture. I'd be afraid, VERY afraid!

It's Satisfactual?!

The Global Facts ...

At Any Given Moment:

79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now

58,000,000 are kissing

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex

1 lonely bugger is reading blogs

You hang in there sunshine!

;-) WW

Sunday Funnies :)

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. She has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with her, I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my hockey equipment so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls.' When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my hockey gear, that I noticed a hairline crack where the blade meets the graphite shaft on my new one piece hockey stick.

So here’s the question:

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?

Please Advise

Andrew McDy

Don't mind if I do...

WW ;-)

Itchy and Scratchy

My fingers and hands are swollen, blistered and bruised. An allergic reaction. I'm itchy and feeble. Again. This time I wore gloves. It didn't matter. Like a tooth ache, I'm loosing my mind, slowly. I scratch, and then remember to only rub, I begin to rub and want to tear open my flesh. My little woman hands are deformed, red, purple, white, inflamed with sections of skin opened up. The itchy thing bugs me most. Sucking it up, again.

So, if this is what putting on acrylic nails for my clients, does to me, what is it doing to them?

Hm.

Vanity, what a fucker, indeed.

Signed,
Itchy & Scratchy

Without Cleavage!

According to Technorati's API you can determine your blogs worth. A blogger known as LL concluded that if one shows cleavage they're blog rates much higher.

So, here it goes...

My blog is worth $2,822.70.
How much is your blog worth?

With Cleavage!

Hmmm, now there's some cleavage... now, how does my blog rate?

My blog is worth $2,822.70.
How much is your blog worth?

Nope, exactly the same!

Facebook Status

Facebook Status States:

"I'm tired - but totally doable!!!!"

*Yawn*

Time to go be productive or something!

WW :)

That's TODAY!

Goddess Fitness Fun

Classes begin JANUARY 7TH!

12 Weeks of Blissssssssssssssssssssssssss!
(last day of classes will be April 3rd)

Pre registration required, please.

*Class limits enforced for all step classes.

*Punch Cards can not be used for any step classes.

More classes offered, more of a variety, all fitness levels welcome...

Needed: If you have weights, balls, mats etc bring them!

Classes:
Monday
9:15AM Stretch n Tone, 5:15PM BOOTCAMP!!!!!, 7:00PM Interval Step

Tuesday
5:15PM Stability Ball Blast!

Wednesday
9:15AM Stability Ball, 5:15PM Interval Step!!!!!, 7:00PM 1/2 Step & 1/2 Ball

Thursday
5:15PM Bums N Tums

Friday
6 freaking AM Cardio Blast (Step, Kickboxing, Low Impact, Etc...)

~ Extreme Classes are marked with multiple !!!!! ~



Now, remember, these classes go until April 3rd

~ 12 weeks worth of sweating ecstasy ;-)

*Post dated cheques are accepted.

*Payment plans can be arranged.

There is NO reason EVERYONE/ANYONE/YOU can't get moving!


Now shake it like you mean it, let's get, BUSY!

~ Minimum of 5 participants required/registered per class ~


With Enthusiasm,
WW :)
PS. To register please feel free to drop in Wednesday before any of the class times listed
above and get ready for some fitness fun!

Would I lie to you?

;-)

What this means for me...

1. I get to drink (have to) 2 cups of coffee today, just to make it all happen!
2. I will shower three times.
3. Washing workout clothing in between morning and evening classes (I want to wear my smiley face shirt and socks for the first classes this session...)
4. Supper for me will consist of a yogurt and nutrition bar. I don't eat after 7pm, so... sucks to be me ;-)
5. My husband gets to handle the littlest one and her demands. GOOD LUCK HONEY! I love you!!!!
6. I will be buzzing until 1am tonight.
7. I will feel fucking fantastic!

AMEN!

Let The Cartoons Do The Talking

So true, so true..

Whoa, to live inside my head!

(This one I did find funny, too funny actually.

Oh great, am I as crazy as I "act"?)

LOL!

9/10ths of the law states...

Wow, makes you really sit back and review life, huh?

Jesus is my homeboy!

Amen.

WW :)

I'm Evil - AWESOME!

I came to a conclusion albeit maybe not fully a correct summary, however I intend to purge my astute findings regardless ;-)

*amused giggling noises*

Wow, I'm so going out on a limb here...
I was pretending to be Indiana Deanna (real full name ;) and listening (my husband says being nosey), *hee hee* to people's conversations yesterday while at Starbucks.

I was watching, observing, and adding sound to their lip talk when an epiphany exploded!

If you never, ever, absolutely do NOT want a life or a committed life partner please follow the advice below.

7 Steps to Claim and Keep the Life You've Chosen!

by:Indiana Deanna

1. Live in the 80's. It's the look that will NEVER die. As hard as we try to stomp it out, seek therapy, chant and hum, IT LIVES!
2. Feathering of bangs, it's what all hotties do! I have a hard in just typing about it, mmmm.
3. Large beer drinking men must wear hockey jerseys to cover up their massive round bellies. The look of a pregnant man evokes the maternal instinct within us. We have a great urgency to "do ya hard" right there, EVERY ONE'S clock ticks around men who wear this apparel.
4. A mullet is a definite. My husband doesn't admit to this, but I think he manually relieved himself in the bathroom after this juice provoking finding. Men, they just can't wait, sheesh ;-)
5. Knit in public, for hours. (Yes, I noticed sunglasses on the table top and the sun had long gone down...) A long, long, long, wood chip coloured scarf is what EVERY man craves! The colour of the scarf PROVES your highly energized, full of fun and excitement. Men will swoon at your feet, just keep knitting!!!
6. Be with your honey and then ignore her and type away on your laptop, that's how you win em over! We like being ignored, actually we have this internal animalistic (my word) moaning that often escapes our wet and ready lips when men behave like this towards us, or rather not towards us. I came thrice just observing this couple - try it - it works!
7. Answer your phone, continually. No seriously. Non stop. Then answer it each time asking the person(s) on the phone what the plan was for later that evening. It gets our groins wet. I can't explain why.. do this for us. You won't be disappointed :)

A Starbucks adventure is exactly what the doctor ordered. I get it, I'm evil. I'll live with that. Perhaps I could add "evil" to one of my many pending middle names currently? Hmm, another idea and it's not yet noon. I outdo myself so often. No wonder I'm sought out in countries such as Mauritania - I'm such a freaking Goddess!

PEACE OUT,

WW :)

Whoops, I meant...

WW ;)

Merry New Year!

I'm feeling festive...

Click the title.

Click the picture.

Click away.

May the force be with you in 2009!

WW :)

Happy Holidays!

She gets her long awaited snowboard!

Blurry. Cute. You get the idea,

THEY'RE GORGEOUS!

Hee, hee, hee.

Wishing for you a most excellent time this holiday season,

doing whatever the heck you choose to do!

God Bless!

WW :)

Christmas Eve Canuck Style!

A cute fluffy pussy!

And a beer, in a tree!

Now, go get your shopping done already!!!!!!!

WW ;)

PS. As an added hidden bonus, you can now clickity click pictures to reveal hidden messages!

Cos, I found this funny, I'm sharing the "Word of the Day" today!

Word of the Day for Wednesday, December 24, 2008
narcissism \NAHR-suh-siz-em\, noun:
- excessive love or admiration for oneself; in psychoanalysis, gratification manifested in admiration and love of oneself.

Blonde Humour

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."


After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

************************************

And the world keeps on spinning round and round...

WW :)

Damn THAT'S Cold!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

A Missive Or Two!

A missive or two...

I wrote:

"And so the story goes like this...

I have ordered from you once before, last December. I was SHOCKED with the no hassle, fun sense of humour, easy, efficient service.

So, when I placed an order, my second one, with you, at the end of November, I KNEW something was going to happen.

It did.

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!!

Not once, but TWICE, you have made my freaking holiday season SO MUCH SMOOTHER (like butter, really)!

I placed this order after I had placed one from a clothing company IN CANADA. Yes, you guessed it, I'm still waiting for "it" eh?! But not you fellow American people, ooooh no, FAST - EASY TO USE - CHEAP (inexpensive, but cheap was kinda with the flow of it all)...

THANK YOU, AGAIN, THIS YEAR.

Merry Ho, ho, ho...

Wonder Woman

Canadian Eh?"

They responded:

Hey there,

We just wanted to say thank you for the great feedback and sorry it took us more than ten seconds to reply. We cannot tell you how much the feedback is appreciated and I'll definitely forward your email around so that everyone thinks someone likes us a little. We have added 100 Moosejaw rewards points to your account. You will see the Moosejaw points show up within the next 24 hours.

If you have any questions, feel free to email service@moosejaw.com or, you can give us a call at 877-666-7352 and we'll help you out. And for additional feedback comments, send them to feedback@moosejaw.com. I'll stop bothering you now. Have an incredible day!

Love the

Madness.

Rusty

Moosejaw

www.moosejaw.com

www.thejaw.com

www.myspace.com/moosejawmountaineering

877-MOOSEJAW (877-666-7352 or 248-246-4000)

FAX 248-246-4001

service@moosejaw.com

******************************************

Now, all I have to do is figure out this point thing, I might get free shit too! Wouldn't that just make the hairs on my chin curl ;-)

Later Gator,

WW :)

A YouTube Moment - You don't Wanna Miss!

The Lost Generation

Thanks Marvy!

Now THAT is funny!

Some Mondays Blow...

• Today is not one of those typical Mondays.
• I decided on Saturday, after 5 crazy women pulled together, WANTING, a 6am class that I, Goddess of Sunshine, aka: Wonder Woman, would willingly offer such a class right before the holiday season so quickly approaching!
• Christmas Cardio Blitz, alright then!
• I was up by 5:30am. I was out the door for my brisk, refreshing, mind you a tad chilly (-23 C) walk to the studio by 5:50am. I arrived and two people were already there anticipating a blissful workout ;) The three others showed up too! We began promptly at 6am. We finished mere seconds before my phone alarm went off for 7:15am.
• I sweat...ed, a lot AND I got to be nice (nothing like BOOT CAMP class)...
• Home we all dispersed to shower and get ready for whatever the day was going to throw at us individually, we were raring to go!
• Wow.
• I taught another much LESS stressful class at 9am, a stability ball affair :)
• And now I'm tired. But not grouchy, or sad, or hurting, or anything... just need to take it easy for a bit. I do after all have a 5:15pm intense Bums N Tums class yet tonight!

If I can do it, pfffft, anyone can!

WW :)

This Week I've Gone Bananas!

The play I'm producing is in it's last weekend, phew.

Placed an add for Dee's December Deals in the Fort Times.

3D's.. silent humour is always the best kind ;-)

Know how tricky it is feeling as though everyone around is a complete fucknut?

People seem to be inadvertently pissing me off. Sad part is, I have been letting them know *shrugs*. Teaches them for being retarded I guess.

I apparently can be a real bitch sometimes. Oddly, I find myself extremely loving and giving and kind and sweet ... perhaps,delusional most!

Been doing a lot of deep breathing lately.

Venturing outside of the house (-15 only) with winds gusting at 70, makes your ears feel as though they might fall off. Numbing, tingling, ahhhh winter has arrived.

Getting another vehicle VERY soon, yay!

I'm really tired.

And hungry.

My littlest one, Dew Drop is such a fascinating creature. I admire her .. individualism .. and that is not meant to mean she is a creepy kid. LOL She is actually a cool lil muffin ;)

I want to go on a date with my handsome husband and maybe get lucky *wink* *wink* soon!

Things seem pretty blah still, but as my friend keeps reminding me, KEEP YOUR PECKER UP! Oh, I am, I am!!!

Drunk sex...hmmmm.

Until I vomit my lucid thoughts again...

WW :)

It Makes Me Smile - Deal With It!

Go brighten someone's day!

WW :)

Desperate Housewives

Morning went like this:

HIM: gets up gets ready to walk dogs

HER: gets up to pee

HIM: leaves the house after putting on coffee to walk the dogs

HER: snuggles back in bed as it's freezing in the house

HER: decides to get up and get some make up on, hair pulled back...

HIM: gets home from walking dogs, wipes off the muddy feet of the canines, checks the furnace, pours a cup of coffee for HER, delivers HER the cup of warm liquid and then makes HIS breakfast

HER: receives cup of coffee with a smile and gives a HIM a big sloppy kiss

HIM: eats breakfast, lets out dogs, wipes dog's feet again, and figures out why the house is so freaking cold - a switch flipped, gets ready for school

HER: just needs to get dressed

HIM: departs

HER: dressed and waits for ride then departs

Wow, my life is pretty okay wouldn't you agree?

*smirk*

LOVE YA HONEY!

Yeah, and thank you for this morning and every other morning. You're a blessing in my life and I love you so very much! It's nice to have someone with matching baggage, along side - balancing my neurotic side with an easy going patience kinda roll!

Would I want to be a man?
Ugh, NO WAY!
The world on my shoulders, the demands taken for granted, the morning wood...

WW :)